And So I Waited: Lancelot's Tale
by Angie8
Summary: This is the first part of a trilogy that tells the story of the infamous triangle from Arthur, Gwen's and Lancelot's point of view. In this part, Lancelot reflects on just how long he's waited for the love he's always wanted.
1. Chapter 1

I was always good at waiting.

My father thought this was a sign of weakness. He would tell me that if I did not light a fire under myself and learn to reach for things while they were within my immediate grasp that I would never be able to hold onto the things that mattered. My mother, however, scoffed at this and said that victory always went to those who waited and planned since hotheads always burned themselves out before they accomplished anything worth noting.

I hoped she was right.

Hope is the cruelest emotion of all, you know. It has stayed with me all my life, like the cruelest of tormentors, egging me on to shoulder more pain just when I convinced myself that I had finally had enough.

The day my parents died and my village burned down around me was the first day I ever felt hopeless. My world up until that point was my little village and I wanted nothing more than build my own little house next to my mother and father and marry one of the girl's from the village, preferably the dark beauty Leonora.

Leonora died when my parents did and took all my dreams with her. As I stood in the middle of what was left of my village, the black smoke thick and suffocating, my hand still gripped tightly around the sword in my hand, I felt the pain that came with knowing death.

It was a pain that I would spend my entire life trying in vain to expel.

I had taken this sword out of the hand of one of our attackers. The thieves had come to our village expecting us to roll over and were furious to realize that there was actually some fight in us. They made us pay dearly for it, but we were not the only ones who fell today.

The blood on the sword dripped down on my hand and I was transfixed by its owner. The fat man was laying on the ground, his eyes still wide open from the shock of being slayed by a skinny thirteen-year-old farmer. He thought back to all the war stories he use to hear from the knights and killer for hirers who often used the village as a refueling spot. They often talked about the glory of the kill, especially the first one, he knew in that instant that they were liars.

"Are you alright?"

The words of the advancing knight shook me out of my thoughts. He had come out of nowhere, riding up on his black steed right when I needed him. When I had been beaten, scared, outnumbered and alone, he showed up to save me like a hero from an old story. I would be forever in his debt.

"You made quite a showing for a skinny, little farmer. Have you ever wielded a sword before?"

I shook my head no.

"Well some men just have a natural aptitude for killing." He said, surveying the damage.

I looked down at the dead man again. I had never had a natural aptitude for anything.

"Partuse's gang is a nasty lot. Only cowards kill unarmed women and children. I've been chasing the bastard for years, but catching him is not a priority to our king as long as he pays his taxes," he snorted disgustingly, leaning over the body of three-year-old Uniara, "much to our everlasting shame."

"But surely The King cannot know just how bad it is for us on the outliers or he would do something."

He stood up and started picking up all the swords he could find. The fleeing barbarians had dropped some of the meager jewels and coins they pilfered from the villagers and the knight picked them up too. He walked back to me, placing the sword in a bag on the side of his house and the jewels and coins in my hands. So, what are you going to do now?" asked the knight.

"Do?"I asked, looking at the jewels and coins in my hand.

"Yes, do. You can't stay here."

I looked around. I suppose I couldn't.

The knight looked at me, really looked for me at the first time. "What's your name?"

"Lancelot, My Lord."

"Well Lancelot I can take you as far as the next village but then you're on your own."

I nodded, my eyes now fixated on his shield.

"What does that stand for," I asked, pointing to the figure on his chest.

"This boy is the Pendragon crest. I am a knight of Camelot and I wear this shield to honor my Lord King, such as it is."

"That's what I want to do next," I said eagerly. "I want to train to be a knight of Camelot and save those who cannot fight for themselves. I want to fight those who would attack villages and make the kingdom safe for everyone."

The knight laughed.

It stung. "You said yourself I had a natural talent."

"That you may, but only those of noble blood can serve as a knight of Camelot."

"That's stupid."

The knight laughed again."Stupid or not it is the way of things." He climbed back on his horse and held his hand out.

I took it and straightened up as soon as I was behind him. "Why are you helping me, is it because of your knightly code?"

"That's part of it." He whistled at his horse to move.

"And the other part?"

"You remind me of my eldest son, Leon."

"Oh, is he a knight too?"

"Yes," he said, the pride in his voice obvious. "He was knighted last spring with Prince Arthur himself."

I swallowed my bitterness. Men like Leon and Prince Arthur got to be knights merely by luck of birth and I'd probably be ten times better than them if I got the chance to prove it. "Things can change," I said, more to myself then to him. "There may come a day when those with common blood are allowed to become knights."

He chuckled again. "Maybe, but I feel that you'll have a long wait for that."

I said nothing. I knew he was right, but some things were worth waiting for.


	2. Chapter 3

The moment that I am knighted is the best moment of my life.

I stand straight and proud, smiling as everyone applauds and tries to catch my eye, but there is only one person who catches mine. She shrinks from my attention and I wonder if her actions spring from modesty or disinterest.

The Prince himself offers a toast in my honor and I marvel at how being by his side feels like the most natural thing in the world. We have an instant bond, and although I would not call us friends, there is a camaraderie that I hope to build on for years to come.

"Tell me Lancelot," he says, thumping me on the shoulder. "Do you think she's beautiful?"

The Prince's question catches me off guard. I knew from his words and actions that he was more progressive than his father, but I never expected him to notice a servant girl in any way. When I first met Arthur I thought he was an arrogant prat, but the past few days had changed my opinion. I had come to see that his arrogance was born out of a deep conviction that he was Camelot's protector and it was a responsibility that ruled his every action. I admired his dedication to Camelot and his people more than I could say

"Yes My Lord, very beautiful."

Her red blur finally disappears from my sight.

"I suppose she is," The Prince said, downing his drink. "Excuse me."

I watched him go and tried to locate where Gwen had gone to no avail.

"Congratulations," said a young sandy haired knight, his arm outstretched. "I'm Leon deBravara, your fellow knight in shining armor."

"It is my pleasure," I said taking it. "I hope to be an assist to you all."

"I am sure of that," he said. "I have been a knight for nearly half my life and I have never seen a man as good as you with a sword," he moved closer. "Not even Arthur."

I said nothing as the young knight handed me another drink.

"So, what does the man of the hour have planned to celebrate his entry to Court?"

I shrugged. "I have no plans."

"Well," he said, turning me to face two beautiful noblewomen who were staring at me. "You do now."

"Oh no," I said nervously, looking at the giggling blonde beauties who beckoned me with their wide blue eyes.

"Why not? The Lady Karina and The Lady Geri are very accommodating to Camelot's knights if you know what I mean."

I blushed. I was no stranger to the fairer sex, but I realized very early on that such empty pleasures did not satisfy for long. "I do not think it would be honorable to tarnish a lady's virtue."

Leon laughed and hit me on the back. "You cannot tarnish a rusted blade my friend. " He waved his hand for another drink and sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"They are at it again," he said, looking at The Prince and a Lady in what looked like a heated discussion.

"Who is that?"

"The King's ward --- The Lady Morgana."

"She is very beautiful," I said, looking at the dark-haired beauty, her exquisite gold dress swishing as her protestations became more adamant.

"That my friend is an understatement."

I looked at the two together, both beautiful and regal, they seemed made for each other.

"Does The Prince fancy her?"

Leon leaned closer. "Not nearly as much as she would like to think," he laughs. "He is mesmerized by her beauty, as are we all," he said wistfully, "but she there is an artifice to Morgana and unknowability that repeals him. Arthur is a man who literally has the weight of the world on his shoulders, a man likes that needs a woman who will feed them, not take away the little peace he fights so hard to hold on too."

"Yes," I said, finally catching another glimpse of Gwen. "I suppose he does." I moved towards Gwen, but felt a hand on my shoulder. "Don't look now but the lady in question is on her way over."

I turned and saw The Lady Morgana coming straight towards me.

"Looks like you are being drafted into their battles of wills, just go with it until she tires of you. It's easier that way."

"You sound like you are speaking from experience."

"I am."

"Sir Leon," said Morgana, her smile dazzling and intoxicating. "Sir Lancelot."

"My Lady," we both said, bowing.

"Sir Lancelot you are new to Court, but as The King's ward and the highest lady in the land, it is a custom for me to dance with every new knight," she said, moving closer.

"It is?" I asked, my breath quickening.

"Yes," said Leon, "to break us in."

The Lady Morgana shot him a cold stare that didn't seem to affect him, but sent a shiver up my spine. "Now, Sir Lancelot, may I have this dance?"

I had no choice.

She held her hand out and I took it as a murmur began to build among the crowd. As we began to dance I was acutely aware of two people watching us: a scowling prince and a crestfallen maid.

This was not the night that I had planned.

I knew that most men in the room would give their right arm to spend the night at The Lady Morgana's side. She was a fascinating creature, full of fire and music, but I was not most men. My dream was not to spend my night dancing, talking and bringing punch to the dark princess that now held me hostage, I dreamed of wrapping my arms around a woman whose warmth and sweetness reminded me of a sunny day in the middle of spring. "Lady Morgana, I have had you all to myself all night, I'm beginning to feel like a selfish clod."

"Don't be silly," she said. "Our fun is just beginning."

I looked back at The Prince who was seething. "I think our acquaintance is making Prince Arthur upset."

Her smile widened. "That's the idea."

"I do not want to be a cause of his discomfort."

"Arthur needs to learn that he can't have everything that he wants."

"If indeed he wants it," I mumbled, remembering Leon's words.

"What?" she snapped.

"Nothing, My Lady."

Soon The Prince was upon us. "Lancelot, may I have a word with Morgana?"

"Yes, Your Highness."

I was too relieved to pay any more attention to the soon bickering pair.

I knocked on her door.

"Lancelot, what are you doing here?" she asked, clearly surprised to see me.

"I hope that I am not disturbing you."

"No."

We stared at each other. It was she who soon broke the silence.

"I was actually reading. My father is visiting friends in a nearby village and I guess I'm not use to being home alone."

"Yes, it is difficult for a Lady to be without her protector."

She laughed. "I would not know anything about that, but this _maid _is the daughter of a blacksmith so trust me when I say that I can take care of myself."

I smiled. I loved her inner fire. "Of that I have no doubt."

"Are you headed to the nearby drinking house to finish your celebration?" She pointed to the dwelling a few doors down, but her eyes looked past it to the pleasure house that no one talked about in decent company.

"Actually, I was hoping that you would honor me with a stroll."

"What…me?"

"Yes Gwen. You."

"Is The Lady Morgana busy?"

"Truthfully," I said, moving closer to her and looking her in the eyes. "I have no idea whether The Lady Morgana is otherwise engaged and I do not care."

She blushed, her eyes twinkling with excitement. "I will get my shawl."

I waited, barely able to contain my excitement.

"So, tell me Sir Lancelot, is this not the most perfect day of your life?"

I grasped her hand. "It is now."


	3. Chapter 2

I came to Camelot to finally make my dream of becoming a knight a reality. I had no idea how I was going to manage this, but if there was one thing the past few years had taught me, appeared to be on my side. I had been training with anyone who would take me on, becoming stronger and quicker so that I would be ready the moment I heard that the rules of knighthood had changed, but hearing no such proclamation; I decided to head to Camelot myself to do the impossible: that is when I met him.

Merlin was a nice boy. The type of good natured soul that you found in villages throughout the countryside, but from the moment we met I knew he was special. I told him about myself and my dreams and to my surprise he offered to help.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, when he explained to me just how far he was willing to go to help me with my quest. "Aren't you The Prince's manservant?"

"Some of the king's laws are wrong," he explained, walking me through the Lower Ward of Camelot."It's up to people like us to do what is right, and as for Arthur, he's a lot more open-minded then The King."

As we continued our walk I was surprised to see such poverty, misery and fear before me. I had always been told that Camelot was a golden city of dreams, but what I saw as I walked through the lower town were dirty streets and small hovels inhabited by people just trying to make it to another day.

"This is my friend's Gwen house," said Merlin knocking on the door of a small house. "She's agreed to help us."

I nodded and walked in unaware that this was the moment that my life was about to change forever. From the very first moment I saw her I knew that she was the one that I had been waiting for my entire life.

I have often been ridiculed by others for my poetic soul, but how can the heart not soar when it finds perfection? How can the lips not utter the prayers of hope and gratitude at knowing you will always know love and never be alone again?

She smiled at me and my future opened up.

"Guinevere," said Merlin, taking a seat in the window behind us," meet Lancelot."

Guinevere. Perfection has a name and it is Guinevere.

"My Lady Guinevere," I said kissing her hand. "Thank you for your help."

She looked at me surprised, her beautiful brown eyes barely making eye contact. "It's Gwen," she said, quickly moving her hand from mine. "And I am no lady."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Merlin smiling at me as she started holding up her measuring tape to my shirt.

When she was done she wished me luck and I told her that I looked forward to seeing her again. She blushed and mumbled about needing to get back to work. There was something so endearing about the way she stumbled and stammered out the door, but what drew him to her was the strength and nobility that clearly lay beneath the shy girl façade.

"She isn't yours?" I asked Merlin, trying to keep the edge out of my voice.

Merlin laughed. "Gwen? Mine? No way!"

His response made me angry for some reason. "Why not? She is sweet and oh so lovely."

"That she is!" he said, clearly picking up my distress. "But we are not like that. I mean, I'm not going to lie I did think about it…but…I didn't… then she didn't…well things just didn't … happen."

His embarrassment was evident.

" Besides," he continued. "I'm not her type," he smiled.

"Her type?" I asked, daring not to hope.

"Yeah she likes those rough and tumble save the world types."

Now it was my turn to smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Like all things built on sand, my life as a knight soon came crumbling down.

I had spent the past week training with The Prince and his knights and for the first time in my life I felt like I was where I belonged.

Sir Leon and I had taken a strong liking to each other and after trainings he would take me to his favorite drinking house, _The Merry Hovel_. He was courting a girl who worked there, a pretty little commoner named Andella. She would brazenly sit on his lap and they would kiss and nuzzle until her boss screamed for her to get back to work.

"Will I see you tonight?" she asked, planting another kiss on his lips.

"Yes," he whispered the desire in his voice evident.

She smiled and kissed him again, before heading back to the bar to grab three more mugs.

"Do not think badly of me Lancelot," he slurred, downing his latest bit of mead, "but I think I may be in love with that girl."

I looked at the redhead, whose adoration for the knight was evident. "Actually, I'd only think badly of you if you didn't."

He smiled and held his mug up. "To you Lancelot."

* * *

When I was not training or spending time with my brethren, I was with Gwen. Nightly walks had become a ritual for us and we were walking in her favorite meadow, arm and arm, when she stopped.

"Are you okay Gwen?"

"Yes," she smiled.

I nodded.

"Actually," she began, in a stammer that he had grown to love. "My father is returning tomorrow and I would, I mean if you are not doing anything, I'd like for you to meet him."

My eyes widened. Was she saying what I thought she was saying? From the moment I met something deep inside me told me that she was the woman I was meant to love, but she had been so reserved and despite our time together I was not sure if she even returned a small portion of my feelings, but if she wanted me to meet her father…

"Forget it," she said, wrapping her wrap around her and smiling weakly. "It was a bad idea I don't know what made me think to ask. She began to walk away from me, but I grabbed her arm.

"Gwen. I think that it is a marvelous idea and I would love to take you up on your offer."

She smiled, warmly and openly and I felt my hands move to her cheek. Her breath quickened as I moved closer. "Tell me if you wish me to back away," I whispered, our lips mere inches away. She said nothing and I took that as permission to do what I had wanted to from the moment we met. The kiss was as wonderful as I imagined and every suckle created a greater longing within me. I pulled back, not wanting to go too far, and my heart jumped when I caught a glimpse of her wistful smile. He pulled her forehead to his. We stood like that wordlessly until the sound of hooves broke us out of our revelry.

I have often wondered what drives a man to take joy in other people's misfortune. Over the years I had seen men take great pleasure in cutting others down, but there was something about the perverse joy that Uther took in revealing my ruse. I had hoped to prove myself in Camelot, to make myself a worthy man, but my dreams were dying in the fires of Uther's prejudices. He was a bully whose selfish whims left his people starving and miserable. He was neglectful tyrant whose disregard for the common man had left his subjects vulnerable ---had killed my family. I maybe a liar, but at least I wasn't a murderer. Nor was I a hypocrite, if being a knight of Camelot meant swearing allegiance to honor The Pendragon banner, then I wanted no parts of it.

* * *

I was surprised to see Gwen looking at me from the other side of the cell.

"Gwen!" I said, jumping up. "How did you get in here?"

"I have friends in high places," she laughed uneasily.

"Oh yes, The Lady Morgana."

"Actually," she said, moving closer. "I pleaded my case to The Prince directly."

"You did what?" I asked, marveling at her gall.

"Yes, My Lady went to Uther earlier demanding you be released."

"Demanding?" He smiled, in his mind's eye he could see the wild beauty stumping into the throne room, arms flailing, daring to scold The King like he was a child.

"As you can imagine it did not go over well. He slapped her and ordered her to be placed under house arrest."

"He struck her?" I asked, the idea of a man of honor hurting a woman was inconceivable to me.

"Yes," she said, her eyes brimming with tears. "He's a monster!"

I shushed her. It was dangerous to say these things about The King, even if they were true. "He punishes My Lady for sticking up for you and he leaves you here to rot and what is your crime? Daring to want a better life?"

"Careful Gwen," I teased, "more talk like this and people will begin to think that their mousy little servant is a sleeping giant."

She blushed.

"Was this how you convinced The Prince to grant you access to me with fiery words?"

She shook her head violently. "Oh, no. I do not expect a man such as him to be moved by the pleas of a servant girl, no matter how right she may be. See, The Prince may not have paid any attention to me in all the years I have served Morgana, but I have paid enough attention to him to know that in order to move him you must appeal to his vanity."

"You have a very low opinion of Arthur."

"Believe me he's earned it. He is a selfish, rude, bullying little prat! What can I say? Like father, like son."

I was surprised by the emotion in her voice.

"Perhaps he may _appear_ to be all those things at time…"

She snorted.

"But he is nothing like Uther. I have spent enough time with him to see the noble heart that lay beneath the royal façade. I dare say that if you took the time to look at him, I mean really look at him you might be pleasantly surprised at what you see."

"I'm sure," she said, rolling her eyes. Her face soon grew serious. "What are you going to do Lancelot?"

"I'm not sure, yet. But I will get out of here."

"You better. We have a dinner date."  
I reached for her fingers and kissed them threw the bars.

* * *

Arthur comes to my aid, as I knew he would, and although he is pleading my case to his father, I know that I cannot stay here. I do not deserve these accolades; it was Merlin who slayed the Gryffindor, not I, and I cannot build my new life on the heroics of others.

I look at Merlin with admiration. He carries so much on his shoulder, too much, and I hope the burdens he shoulders do not break him.

"You are a good man Merlin. I will never forget what you have done for me."

"You're leaving?" he asked in disbelief, "but Arthur …"

"Is a good man to try to get his father to change his mind about me, but we both know that it is all for not. Uther will never allow someone like me to serve as a knight."

Merlin nods. "What about Gwen."

I sighed. When Arthur released me I was prepared to run to Gwen's house and ask her to come with me, now I knew that to subject her to a life with a drifter who could not even tell her where their next meal was coming from would be unfair to her. She deserved better.

"Tell Gwen I shall think about her fondly."

As I rode out of the walls of Camelot I remembered how Gwen looked when I kissed her in the moonlight. I may not be able to offer her anything now, but before me lay my future and I vowed to make something of myself. I vowed to return and whisk her from this life of servitude to a life as the wife of a wealthy solider or merchant. One day we will have our happily ever after and no one has ever awaited a day more.


	5. Chapter 5

I had stopped waiting for my life to get any better.

Since leaving Camelot I had been met with one disappointment after another. Those men who were lucky enough to own farms did not need or want my help, unless I was willing to marry one of their daughters. Ten farms, and ten crying daughters later, I knew that I had to stay clear of villages. Besides, I had no desire to go back to the plow, I had become to use to the sword.

Unfortunately, the other king's in the Summer Lands did not believe in having a standing knighthood, they thought that Uther was a fool for training a group of nobles who could rise up and overthrow him on a whim.

"Uther has always been a fool," said King Axum, smacking on a large chicken leg. "He talks of honor and duty, but he burns babies and holds his grains so far to his chest that his people are starving to the point of revolt. It would only take a small thing to fan that flame and his people would rise up against him, and what's to stop those knights of his from joining them? Nothing!" He slapped his hand on the table.

"You are right Majesty," I said threw gritted teeth.

He had been in the court of King Axum for only a day, but it was enough time to understand why the old man ruled over a kingdom in decline. How could a king be so short-sided? If there was one thing that his travels taught him it was that The Knight's of Camelot were a source of hope and inspiration for people far beyond its borders. He had come south because he had heard rumors that King Axum was in desperate need of his own set of knights to back up his son Mark. The Prince was notoriously weak and inept and it was common knowledge that not even the upcoming alliance that his marriage to Princess Isolde would bring was enough to squash the fears stirred up by his inevitable succession to the throne.

"Here, here Father," said The Prince lazily from his seat beside him. "We have the loyalty of our people and when we have need of an army they come at the snap of our fingers."

"Of course they do," said the pretty woman sitting beside him, "who would not run to serve you My Lord?"

He leaned back smugly, the sarcastic tone of the young fair-haired girl lost on him. "Well, it is a good day when even my cousin Elaine begins to speak sense," he laughed, playfully grabbing at her chin.

"Indeed," said Elaine, her eyes batting in a way that I had seen most noblewomen do when they mean to flatter instead of argue. I marveled at her ability to be cutting, while seeming so benign. When she was done making an unwitting fool out of the prince she turned her attentions to me, and for a brief second I found myself captivated by her emerald eyes.

The King laughed at his niece, clearly seeing past her facade and turned back to me. "I tell you what, Lancelot is it?"

"Yes, Sire."

"I may not have a need for soldiers at this present time, but that does not mean that I do not have need for killers."

"Killers, Sire?"

"Yes Killer!" he said, knocking over a goblet full of wine. "My mother's people were Roman; now, those were a people who knew the value of blood sports! The Christians have done a good job of convincing most that the time of gladiators was a barbaric one, but we men of war know better. Men need to be men, whether they are on the battlefield or in The Coliseum. You speak of knights being needed to protect the populace; well I speak of gladiators to appease them. To make them forget the dreariness of their small lives. What say you Sir Lancelot? Will you be my killer? Will you be my gladiator?" His lips curled up into a wide smile

Gladiator? The very word offended him, as did The King for even suggesting such a thing. He had come here with a sincere hope to pledge his loyalty and his life to this man and now he was being asked me not to be a knight, but to be a savage beast that would fight not for honor, but for survival? In that moment I vowed to never make a pledge to be a knight to any king who did not deserve my trust, loyalty and yes, love.

"I appreciate your offer Your Majesty, but I am going to pass."

His smile faded. "What? Do you think that you are too good to be a gladiator?" He snarled angrily. "Speak plainly man!"

"No, Sire," I said, bowing my head. "I am just a commoner; I would not dare to question what king's do for sport; however, I wish to do something more distinguished with my life."

"More distinguished?" he grunted, "more distinguished." He turned to look at Elaine. "Tell me Niece, what does a peasant nomad who came to my kingdom to grovel at my feet and beg for wages and work know about what it means to be distinguished?"

Elaine looked at me, really looked at me, and coolly responded, "While it is true a man of noble birth knows much about making his mark in the world in a way that distinguishes himself from lesser men, I do believe that once in a while the world births a man of low blood whose gifts and ambitions rival those of his betters, and when that happens not only will such a man distinguish himself, but he will be legendary." She leaned forward, her eyes locked on mine. "Tell me Sir Lancelot, are you such a man?"

The room was suddenly silent and crackling with electricity.

"Spoken like a girl-child who still believes in fairytales," said Prince Mark, his venom eliciting laughs from the rest of the guests in the hall. "But do tell us_ Sir_ Lancelot, are you such a man?"

I did not answer.

"Speak up," said The Prince, moving from the table to stand in front of me. He lifted his sword towards me. "Are you greater than your filthy, common lineage?"

"Mark," Elaine said, the worry evident in her voice, although I could not tell if she feared for me or for her idiot cousin."

I still said nothing, even as he moved closer to me.

Prince Mark let out a high-pitched laugh. "I told you he was a weakling father, I spotted it the moment I saw him -weak, useless and common."

My eyes flickered to him. "Traits I am sure that you know very well, Your Highness."

"What did you just say to me Boy?" he asked, his right eye twitching.

"I was agreeing with you when you stated that you are an expert on weakness, uselessness and commonness, My Lord." I said the last two words like a curse.

"Did you hear what he said to me?" he stammered, sounding more like a boy of five then a man of twenty.

Looking at this weakling I wondered if the people of Camelot knew just how lucky they were to have their prince to rule and protect them."

"Say it again, Coward." The blade was inches from my neck.

I'd had enough. I grabbed the sword and it wasn't long before I had a firm grip on it. I raised it in front of me as two men came lunging after me. Two men soon turned to four, four turned to six. They were easy to dispose of, unskilled and barely trained, and as I sliced through them I saw a flicker of worry in The Prince's eyes.

"A sword! Someone give me a sword!" he demanded.

"Here My Lord," said Elaine, handing him the most beautiful sword he'd even seen. "Take mine."

"Thank you Elaine," he said smugly. He lifted his sword and I could hear one of the King's advisors begging the king to do something."

"No one else interferes," The King demanded.

Prince Mark looked at his father, clearly shocked, then he looked at me and moved forward. The clinging of our swords was loud and impressive, but Prince Mark was hardly a match for me. Still, what he lacked in form and skill he made up in bravado. He spent a lot of time flailing his arms around and making loud pronouncements about what he was going to do with me. Soon, however, he was on the ground at the end of my sword. I could see the fear in his eyes and for a brief moment I wanted to kill him and spare the people of this kingdom another minute of his foolish presence, but that was not my place. No doubt, destiny had bequeathed that honor to another man. I lifted the sword from his neck and The Prince jumped up, coughing and clutching his neck.

"Guards get this piece of filth," he said, wailing his hand at me.

"STOP!" ordered The King as soon as the order was given. "You will do no such thing."

"But Father," The Prince whined, "This impudent little chit…"

"Spared your life, perhaps instead of ridiculing him you should take notes."

I could not miss Elaine's smile.

"This man humiliated me," The Prince stammered.

"No, you humiliated yourself, as always," The King said angrily before turning his attentions back on me. "Now Lancelot, look around you and tell me that you are no gladiator."

I did and the sight of the carnage in front of me, the men I had slayed without so much as a second thought, disgusted me.

"What I am offering you may not be distinguished, but for a man like you it can be profitable. Surely a vigorous, handsome man like you has a woman."

I closed my eyes and an image of Gwen's beautiful face was smiling at me.

"I thought so," said The King.

I opened my eyes and saw that he was smiling, but Elaine was sitting stiff and thin-lipped beside him.

"The risk is great and the money is greater. Win enough fights and before you know it you will have enough money to buy a little piece of land and settle down with the girl you love. So, once again Boy, will you fight for me?"

I nodded and he laughed as he tossed me a bag of coins.

I had just let King Axum buy my soul for a few coins and the promise of more, but at that moment I did not care. I was going to build my fortune and I if it was a fortune that was to be built in blood, then so be it. All I cared about was Gwen, and knowing that when we saw each other again I would at long last be in a position to make her mine. I am not ashamed to admit that I'd kill a thousand men for that honor.


	6. Chapter 6

I had been practicing my trade as a gladiator for nearly a year and there was little sign of the fortune and glory that I had been promised. I wish I could hate King Axum for luring me into this world, but I had no one else to blame for what I had become but myself. I chose this darkness, and truth be told, I had even begun to embrace it.

While not the greatest of Sovereigns, King Axum had taken a liking to me and always kept his word. The more wins I racked up, the more he liked and rewarded me, but the cost of victory was high. Killing had become commonplace to me, so much so that I could no longer remember the faces of the men I killed; but sometimes, when I was alone in the dark, I could still hear their dying gasps and screams. The thunderous applause that broke out after each victory did not sound like praise in my ears, but like the furious judgment of the gods. I would often crawl into my bed, battered and broken, and conjure Gwen's face. But soon even that was not enough to calm me and my weak flesh gave into the all the pleasures that the local drinking hole had to offer.

I was in such a place when Elaine found me to give me the news that King Axum was bed-ridden and that I was no longer safe in the kingdom.

"I hear that upon hearing of my uncle's illness that he called for the guards to find you before he called for the court physician!" she scoffed.

I blinked, my head was pounding from the previous nights' activities and it took me a while to realize that she was really here and not some apparition wrecking havoc on my conscience.

"Did you hear me Lancelot? "

I nodded, holding my head as I sat up.

The young lady who was lying next to me stirred.

"As for you," Elaine said, looking at the brown-skinned girl and snatching the sheets off her, "your services will no longer be needed."

The girl smirked and brazenly got up, not even attempting to cover her naked frame.

Elaine's eyes widened at her audacity and the girl, no doubt getting the response she was aiming for, smiled as she quickly threw her dress on.

"Let me give you what I owe you," I said, not daring to look at Elaine.

"Don't worry about it," the girl purred as she opened the door, "I had such a good time that we'll just consider it a going away present." She winked and me and then turned to bow to Elaine. "My Lady."

Elaine slammed the door loudly behind her.

"I am sorry that you have to see me like this," I said, grabbing for my trousers.

"So am I," she said, turning her back. "But I have long since learned that most men will scratch their itch with any whore who will let them. I just thought that maybe you were different."

"I am sorry," I said, putting on my shirt and walking in front of her. "I am not."

Her gorgeous emerald green eyes softened and she brought a hand to my cheek. "What happened to you Lancelot?"

I sighed, allowing myself the comfort of this one warm moment with her. Elaine was one of the few bright spots in my life. I know that her friendship with me was born out of her disdain for Mark. She knew that few things would make him angrier than seeing the cousin he fancied taking a liking to me, but it wasn't long before we truly warmed to each other, and I now counted her as a true friend. I trusted her above all others.

"I wish I knew," I said finally, removing her hand from my face.

"I think it is this place that has done this too you, perhaps when you get away from here…"

"What? I can turn into someone else?"

"No, you can find yourself again. You can be the man who stood before a king and pledge to serve him with honor as a knight."

I grabbed my sword. "If only it was that simple."

She shook her head. "You should go. I arranged for Mark to think that you on a hunting trip with Tristan, but he returns tonight and it won't be long until my ruse is discovered."

I put my hand on her shoulder. Tristan was a good man, and one of the few noblemen who liked him, but he was not the type to lie to his prince. I worried about what Mark would do to Elaine if he found out she helped me escape.

"Don't worry about me," she smiling, as if reading my mind. "I can handle Mark."

"Like no other," I smiled, squeezing her shoulder.

She briefly returned my smile, but soon grew serious.

"What's wrong?"

"I never thought this day would come. My Uncle has always been so healthy and so strong. I suppose I tricked myself into believing that he'd live forever."

"No one lives forever Elaine."

"I suppose not." She went into her purse and produced a bag of coins. "Here, take this. It isn't much, but it's enough to hold you over until you can find work."

I shook my head violently. I admit that I had sunken pretty low, but to take money from a lady…

"Thank you Elaine, but I cannot take it. No man should seek such help from a woman, it is unseemly."

"By the Gods!" she snapped, putting her hands on her hips. "_Now_ is not the time to find your honor. Mark is a little man who has chaffed at seeing you grow big in his father's eyes. Nothing would please him more than to kill you, and I for one refuse to give him that satisfaction. So if for no other reasons than because it's going to drive Mark mad, you are GOING to take this money. Here!" She shoved it in my hand.

I tightened my grip on the bag, ashamed that she had come here, had lied to her cousin, had brought a bag full of her own inheritance, all to save me. "A Lady should not be subjected to this," I said, dropping my head.

"Neither should a knight."

He looked up. "I'm no knight, My Lady."

She kissed me and her lips burned against mine in a way that I could not explain.

"Once you were, and so shall you be again," she whispered, laughing at my shocked response to her actions. "Now go."

But I could not move, the idea of running away with her money was just too much to bare.

"Take it as payment," she said, noticing at how I was frowning at the bag.

"For what? I have never done anything worth mentioning for you."

"Then consider it a payment for a future act. One day I will send for you and you will come, and on that day your debt to me will be repaid."

I kissed her hand, "Until that day."

Her eyes grew bright, tears flowing down her porcelain cheeks. "Until that day."

_

* * *

__Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to read and review this story so far. Next chapter, Gwen and Arthur make their triumphant return to the tale!_


	7. Chapter 7

It did not take long for me to go through Elaine's gift. A decent man would have headed back West, given up the sword and tried to rebuild himself with the plow, but I could not bring myself to leave the Summer Lands, leaving would be the same as giving up, and although I could give up my dream of distinguishing myself in the city, and even let go of the idea that I could one day become an honored knight of Camelot, I could not give up on Gwen, and I knew if I went West I would never see her again.

It was easier than I thought to find work as a gladiator. Turns out I had made quite a reputation for myself in certain circles, so when I showed up at Hengist's castle he had not only heard of me, but he was eager for me to enter his employ. Unlike the kings and noblemen who I usually worked for, Hengist was a warlord who had gained his wealth by stealing and terrorizing others. His stronghold was not so much a castle as it was a haven for the worst kind of faithless scum that the ten kingdoms had to offer.

I was now one of them.

But in my darkest hours, when I knew nothing but death, I found my life again - Gwen was here.

"You are in for a treat my Lady," Hengist said as soon as he spotted me.

I could not believe my eyes when I saw her sitting at the dining table next to Hengist and his number two, Kendrick. I closed my eyes and stopped breathing when she was still sitting there upon their opening.

"This boy here is my best gladiator. He was born to kill!"

A round of here, here broke out.

She looked at me curiously, no doubt disgusted by the sight.

My face burned with shame.

"Lancelot, meet Lady Morgana of Camelot."

She looked at me, begging me with her eyes to go along with the ruse. That hurt a little; surely she should know that I would die before ever betraying her.

"Lancelot," said Hengist, holding up a mug. "Let us give the Lady a show that she will never forget." He touched Gwen's hand and she violently pulled it away, rolling her eyes haughtily.

Hengist laughed. "By the Gods you have spirit! I like it. Maybe instead of a ransom I should arrange for a marriage contract."

Gwen's mouth twisted into a sneer. "Over my dead body."

Kendrick looked at her and licked his lips. "How I'd love to break you." He was now running his hand down her arm.

It took everything I had not to jump on the table and run my sword through him.

"You break me?" she laughed, her head held high. "That is like a rat felling a lion, but you would not be the first _little_ man to believe that he was _bigger_ and _better _than he was."

Kendrick's face grew red with anger. Gwen's innuendo was not lost on him or the crowd who began laughing.

"Why Princess, what would you know about such things?" Hengist laughed.

"Gwen cocked her head and glanced at down at Kendrick's pants. "I only know what I see."

The laughing got louder and Kendrick stormed off.

"I think I'll increase the ransom," Hengist said, kissing Gwen's hand. "There is no way that Uther will let a fireball like you go, he'd be insane.

_Yes_, I thought wistfully_, any man who let go of Gwen was a fool indeed._

* * *

My heart was racing as I made my way to Gwen's cell. When I arrived she was sitting on her small bed, wrapped in a sheet. There was no sign of the confident noble lady who had both charmed and enraged her captors; in her place was a scared young woman who needed me, almost as much as I needed her.

"Gwen," I whispered, barely trusting my own voice not to betray my emotions.

She looked up and smiled. "Lancelot," she said, running to the cell door. "I can't believe it. It's really you."

I nodded.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her face full of concern.

"I could ask you the same question, _My Lady_."

She sighed. "Hengist and his band of illiterate bandits hijacked me and My Lady during a pilgrimage to her father's grave. We fought them off and Morgana was able to escape, but they caught me and our idiot kidnappers were too scared to tell Hengist the truth, so they made me pretend to be Morgana."

"And Hengist is none the wiser."

"He will be when he realizes that King Uther isn't going to pay the ransom. He'd never pay to save the life of a servant." She did not sound sad, only resigned, and the realization that she felt her life had no value broke his heart. "Everyone knows that The King adores Morgana," she continued. "There is no way he'd leave her here to rot. Hengist knows that and when he figures the truth out, I'm dead."

She was right. Hengist had no use for servants beyond how much they fetched on the open market or how well they met his needs. Gwen was living on borrowed time, but he was here now and he was not going to let her down. He was going to rescue her and they were going to leave this place and be together - at last.

I smiled. "Don't worry Gwen," I said, lacing my fingers with hers. "I am going to get you out of here."

"What are you doing here with these men?"

I looked away. "I am afraid I lost my way. Nothing was like I thought it would be when I left Camelot. I stopped being the man you knew and turned into this - a heartless killer who is not worthy of breathing the same air as you."

She studied me for a moment and it allowed me the opportunity to look at her. She was different. Harder. She had gone through much since last I saw her and for the first time since we parted I was aware of just how much could happen in a year. I just hoped that I could sooth whatever pain she had endured in my absence.

"I've thought about you often," I said without thinking.

She blushed.

_There was my Gwen._

"Have you thought of me?" I asked shyly.

She squeezed my hand. "I…I never thought I'd see you again."

I kissed the tips of her fingers. "Better late than never, My Lady."

* * *

"The Lady Morgana is very beautiful, don't you think Lancelot?" asked Hengist, biting an apple.

I stood in the corner of his war room, shrugging in an attempt to seem uninterested in the lady and her beauty.

"Yes," sneered Kendrick, not waiting for my answer. "As a snake, no wonder Uther is taking so long to pay, he's probably debating whether or not he wants the wrench back!"

"The Lady Morgana is the daughter of Uther's best friend. Had you known them back in the day, you'd know how much that bond means to that old fool. He'll pay."

"He'd better or I'll personally skin that little chit from head to toe, after I'm done showing her just why size does matter, of course."

Hengist laughed. "Those are terrible things to want to do to a lady, my friend."

"Oh please, believe me that wrench has already been plucked. I wouldn't be surprised if Prince Arthur didn't do the honor, they say he fancies her and intends to make her his bride."

"All the more reason they'll pay. If Uther isn't willing to save his ward, surely Prince Arthur will do whatever it takes to save his Beloved. He might even mount a rescue mission himself!" He patted Kendrick on the back.

"I wish he would. I met him once on the Northern borders. He stopped a very lucrative venture that my men and I were in the middle of. I'd love to have the privilege of cutting him down."

I stood there quietly. If only they knew just how ridiculous the idea of Arthur storming in here to save Gwen really was. If only they knew they had a servant, and not Arthur's Beloved in their cell. If only they knew she may not mean anything to Arthur, but she was my whole world and I'd slit their throats right then and there to save her.

"Well it can't come soon enough for me. She makes me uneasy. She reminds me of…" Kendrick's eyes grew dark. "Are you sure that Darden and Finnegan told us everything about when they captured her?"

"You interrogated them yourself."

"I just can't shake the feeling that something isn't right with her."

Justin chose that moment to burst through the door, letting in the sounds of screams and shouts.

"What is going on?" Hengist demanded.

"Darden and Finnegan are fighting My Lord."

"That's nothing new," said Kendrick, "they are probably drunk."

"That they are," said Justin. "But it would appear that in his drunken state Finnegan said some things that Darden would rather he keep to himself, about the day they got the Lady Morgana."

Kendrick stood up immediately. "What things?"

"Well..." Justin stammered.

"SPIT IT OUT!" Kendrick demanded.

"It appears that all is not what it seems with the Lady Morgana."

Kendrick and Hengist exchanged glances.

"Will you excuse us Lancelot," Hengist said, tensely.

I nodded, quickly making my way out the room. Darden and Finnegan had cracked. It was only a matter of time before they knew who Gwen was. I had to move fast.

* * *

Hello Gwen fans, she's finally back! I know I promised that we'd see both Gwen and Arthur in this chapter, but the muse took over and pushed our dear prince to the next chapter. Next Time - Lancelot realizes that a lot has changed in a year, if you know what I mean.


	8. Chapter 8

The way Gwen looks at me when I open the door of her cell will stay with me forever. She is my lady and I am her champion and in that moment I knew that would always be so.

"I can't believe that you came for me," she said, as we began our run down the corridors of Heingst's castle.

I stopped and looked at her, willing her to feel the truth of my words. "I am always going to come for you."

She threw her arms around me.

I lingered in the hug for as long as I could. "We must go." I grabbed her hand and we continued running for our lives. I knew of an escape route through the back of the castle's waste system. All we had to do was get there.

It wasn't long before I could hear Heingst's men behind us.

"They're gaining on us, what are we going to do?" Gwen asked, the panic creeping in her voice.

"Whatever it takes to save you," I said, trying to ignore the strong stench of death and waste that were wafting through this part of the fortress. When we got close to the escape route I stopped.

"Why are you stopping?" she asked, pulling my arm.

"This is as far as I go."

"What?"

"Gwen, we cannot out run them. You must see that. "

"We can make it!" she said defiantly. "We just have to keep going."

"_You_ have to keep going."

"I don't understand," she said, clearly exasperated. "After everything you've risked to save me, why are you giving up now?"

I put my hands to her face. "Everything I risked is for you to live and that is why I must go back. I can slow them down and give you enough time to escape."

"I'm not leaving you," she said, her lip quivering.

"You must."

I turned to leave, but she grabbed my arm. "You'll die."

I turned around and pulled her close. _She really had no idea how much she meant to him, did she?_ "I'd die a thousand deaths for you," I said simply.

Her eyes widened and she started stammering. "I…I…" but soon she abandoned all words entirely and pushed her lips against mine.

I ran my fingers through her hair, trying to relish every second of this sweet moment, but all too soon she pulled away.

"I never thought I could feel this way," she said.

My heart soared. I knew that I was not the only one who felt our pull. I knew she cared for me the way I have always cared for her. It was not a grand declaration of love, or the passionate scene I had imagined when we came together, but it was enough.

"Go," I said, pulling out my sword and preparing to meet my fate.

"She hesitated only for a moment. "As long as I live my feelings for you will never fade," she yelled, before running to freedom.

I closed my eyes and smiled.

* * *

Heingst was laughing at me.

"Why are you smiling?" he asked, taunting me as I looked at him through the cage. I had been in this cage hundreds of times, but never as a prisoner, and I'd never been bound. But why would I have been, there was only one reason Heingst tied anyone up before tossing them in his cage of death. My bonds were starting to hurt, but it did not matter. I looked at the voracious crowd who were all standing near the cage, enjoying every minute of my plight. No matter, it would all be over soon enough. I opened my eyes. I had been imaging Gwen on the road back to Camelot - safe and determined. "I smile because Guinevere is safe. You cannot touch her."

Heingst moved closer. "A servant? You risked your life for a servant?"

"I'd happily die for Gwen."

He smiled cruelly, "You'll get your chance. Bring the bitch in!"

I looked over expecting to see his prized beast, the dreaded Wilderen, instead I saw a sight that made my blood grow cold.

"Gwen!" I said, "What are you doing here?"

She was trying to pull away, but Heingst's men easily dragged her towards him and tied her to me.

"I am sorry," she said, as soon as they closed the door.

"Don't be." I said sincerely. _Truthfully, I died the moment I rode away from Camelot and all the dreams it held for me._

"If it were not for me you would not be in this position," she lamented.

"If it were not for you, I'd still be a hired killer. You have brought me back to myself Gwen, reminded me of the man I was, and could still be again, because of you I die with faith in my heart. Don't ever apologize for that."

"How sweet," sneered Heingst, his face filled with disgust. "Now, can I have some killing and squealing to wash the revolting scene I was just forced to witness and listen too from my memory?"

Kendrick laughed. "Release the beast!"

I tried not to wince as I heard the terrible cranking sound of the back gate opening.

"And Lady Guinevere," Kendrick mocked. "I think you'll find you've finally met a beast that can meet all your needs."

The crowd laughed.

I squeezed Gwen hand. If these were our last moments, then at least we were spending them together.

"I do not mind dying," she said, "as long as it is a good death."

"I do not mind dying either, as long as it is with you."

She squeezed my hand tighter and as the beast moved closer I heard Gwen scream. It took me a while to hear what she was saying.

"Arthur!" she was saying. "By the gods, it's Arthur!"

_Arthur? It couldn't be. _

But it was Prince Arthur, jumping in our cell, cutting my bonds, helping Gwen up, and handing me a sword.

"What are you doing here Lancelot?" he asked in a tone that I could almost mistake for annoyance.

_What was I doing here?_

"Rescuing Gwen," I said, beating back the beast with my sword. "And you?"

"Likewise."

I tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but an uneasiness that had nothing to do with the beast I was battling began to creep in.

The Prince of Camelot being here to save Gwen made no sense. What was going on?

A sharp sound brought me out of my thoughts. The ceiling contraption holding the candles was falling and an angry Heingst and Kendrick had now jumped in the cell. Thankfully, the wilderen had disappeared, but in its place where more dangerous animals. I looked over to check on Gwen. She was standing behind Arthur. Very closely behind Arthur, whose left hand was protectively on her arm. My eyes were fixated on the sight.

"Prince Arthur," said Kendrick gleefully. "We meet again, although this time we are in my domain. I think you'll find the outcome of this fight to be very different, very different, indeed."

Arthur moved his hand up to keep me from moving to his side.

I scoffed.

_Always the prince always in command he was still holding on to Gwen's arm!_

Prince Arthur looked at him blankly. "Do I know you?"

Kendrick sneered. "You know bloody well you do. The Northern Borders, a year ago."

Prince Arthur's shrug incensed Kendrick.

"You and your so called knights stuck your nose in my business when my men and I were negotiating with the citizens of The Northern border."

"Oh, "The Prince said, snapping his fingers. "You're that would be warlord who was trying to force the people of the North to pay you to "protect them," and those who refused were burned out or killed. I didn't like that."

"Clearly," Kendrick said through clenched teeth, "which is why you rode in and ruined everything. Do you know how much money and how many men you cost me?"

"Nope."

"No matter," he said, grabbing two swords from his side and whirling them around. "Vengeance is always better when it comes to those who least expect it. Defend yourself!" Kendrick started flailing his swords around, making loud noises, and moving towards The Prince.

Gwen's hand moved to The Prince's arm.

"What will your tomb say, Prince Arthur," he said, moving closer. "How will they commemorate that Arthur Pendragon, Prince of Camelot, was slayed by Kendrick Jiklo, son of The East?"

Gwen's hand tightened around The Prince's arm.

The Prince said nothing.

"Are you afraid little Princeling? Kendrick taunted. "Have you nothing to say?"

"Yes," Arthur said, "has anyone ever told you that you talk too bloody much?"

"You li…" Kendrick began, before he was silenced. In an instant, he was down on the ground. The Prince's knife lodged in his throat. Gwen let out an audible sigh and squeezed his arm -again.

"I hate a windbag," The Prince said, smiling at Gwen.

She smiled back and her whole body relaxed.

I wanted to scream.

I wasn't the only one. Kendrick's death had sent everyone reeling. Heingst jumped in the cage, his eyes filled with murderous rage. "You are all going to pay for this!"

Arthur called to Merlin and ordered him out. The young man who was on the floor outside the cage happily jumped in and behind the prince to his escape. Arthur was still protectively in front of Gwen.

"Take Guinevere, I'll hold him back!" I yelled.

"No," pleaded Gwen.

I looked at her sharply, too sharply, and I did not know why. No, that's a lie, I knew exactly why. Her actions towards Arthur had confused and frightened me. Once again, it felt as if my world was shifting from underneath me.

"You heard him," said The Prince without hesitation. "It's time to go Guinevere." He pulled her away.

As they ran down the corridor, the gate closed in front of us. Heingst was trapped inside the cage and the Wilderen picked that moment to reappear out of nowhere.

I looked at Merlin.

He said nothing, but I knew that his magic had played a part in what had just occurred. The last thing I heard as I rounded the corner was Heingst's curdling screams.

_It couldn't happen to a nicer man._

Merlin ran to Arthur to help him kick open the outside hatch.

"Almost got it," Arthur said, shooing his manservant away. "Merlin please, this takes muscle."

"I have muscles," the skinny you man said.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "I suppose that lump in your throat, no doubt born of an overwhelming fear, counts.

Merlin snorted. "Look who is talking about big lumps in their neck."

"I do not have a lump, big or small, in my throat," The Prince said, his hand moving towards his Adam's Apple. Do I?"

"Well let's just say I never knew a man who had to have their neckerchiefs custom made to fit."

Arthur grabbed Merlin by the shirt and I stopped paying attention. Gwen was looking at me and I was looking at her, trying desperately to regain the certainty I had about us. Gwen looked away when the grate popped open. I looked over to see Merlin smiling smugly.

"What do you know," said The Prince. "You are good for something, next time, though, we'll save time by using your head as a battering ram."

Merlin smiled. "You're welcome."

Prince Arthur turned to us. "Let's go."

I offered Gwen my hand and she took it smiling briefly, but the moment she saw Arthur looking at us, she slipped her hand out and moved past me. Arthur watched Gwen, then moved back to let me go past. His face was soon in an impassive mask, but not soon enough, not before I saw the way his throat constricted when he saw Gwen take my hand, not before I saw the look he gave her as she passed by him.

I recognized that look.

It had seen it on my own face many times.

* * *

The triangle begins! Arthur has finally arrived. I hope he was worth the wait. You'll be seeing much more of the once and future king, and now that he knows Lancelot is a threat, they'll be butting heads and navagating their own complicated relationship as the story progresses.

Next time, Lanceleot must make a choice about his and Gwen's future.


	9. Chapter 9

The ride was silent.

There was an awkwardness between the four of us, and we all reeked of confusion, disappointment, longing and anger, no matter how much we tried to hide it.

"We'll rest here," said Prince Arthur tersely, jumping off his horse as soon as it stopped.

Gwen tried to catch his eye, but he turned his back to her, busying himself with making a fire. I helped my lady off her horse and pretended not to see how Arthur's back stiffened when she thanked me. I kissed her hand. "It's my pleasure."

An hour later the four of us had managed to barely utter ten words between us and all ten words came from Merlin. But what Gwen and Arthur weren't saying with their mouths they were saying with their eyes. I had to know…

"I was surprised to see you milord," I said, watching Arthur intently as I waited for his response.

"I had no intentions of coming after Guinevere," he said, causally. "I only came become Morgana begged me."

It was exactly what I wanted to hear, and it made perfect sense. Was Arthur's eyes not filled with lust at the sight of The Lady Morgana the last time we met. I wanted to feel relieved, even happy that I had jumped to the most ridiculous of conclusions about the prince and his servant, yet there was something in his voice, in his posture, in his eyes that let me know that it was all a lie.

Gwen's stiffened, her face an unreadable mask except to someone who had spent every night of the last year replaying her every look and expression in his head. "Excuse me," she said quietly. "I'm going to rest." Her voice was even, but she wasn't fooling me. She was hurt, deeply hurt and my heart broke.

* * *

I watched Gwen sleep, or at least try to sleep, her eyes fluttering and her breath making little, painful sighs that I knew were not about me. I swallowed the bitterness that was threatening to overtake me.

_Gwen and Arthur?_

I had tortured myself with hundreds of scenarios that would play out when we were reunited. Arthur was never in one. I knew that she would catch another's eye, but like a fool I had imagined that she would turn any suitor away, not because she did not like the idea of settling down with a husband, but because she knew that no husband could satisfy her unless he was me. I often amused myself at night as I imagined their crestfallen faces and the look of longing in her eyes when she spoke to them of another love, one who she would wait an eternity to be reunited with.

I now knew why she did not answer me directly when I asked her if she thought of me during our absence. She had not. She was too busy looking into Arthur's eyes and allowing herself to be wooed by him to think about us!

I kicked the tree branch near my feet in anger and turned away as Merlin, who was lying near the sleeping Prince, sat up and looked at me curiously.

I looked at Gwen again. How did this happen? How did she, a servant girl, manage to catch the interest of a prince? I was not naive; I knew that noblemen often took a fancy to maids and that these girls often had no choice but to yield to their master's demands, if indeed they were unwarranted. All I had to do was look at Leon and Andella to know that many a maid was only too thrilled to risk their reputations for the perks of bedding knights, but Gwen was not like that. I thought of how Leon had looked at his mistress, how he had professed loved for the common Andella and I wondered … I looked back at the Arthur.

No. There was no way that Arthur could love Gwen.

I laughed. Of course he did. How could he not? Had she not won his heart with a sly smile and a handshake? Had she not burned herself into his very soul without even trying? He looked at Merlin coming toward him, sad faced and tired. Maybe Merlin wasn't the only one who had magic, for surely Gwen had bewitched he and Arthur both.

"You're not going to rest" Merlin asked, moving closer.

"I'm not tired."

"Yeah, I know the feeling," he sighed, leaning against a nearby tree.

I looked at the skinny young man. "Thank you for coming for Gwen. She would not have survived otherwise," I sighed, the sting of my failure to save her pressing against my chest.

The boy smirked. "Are you kidding me there was no way that Arthur was going to let anything happen to Gwen; she means too much to him." His face reddened at my expression. "I mean…"

I knew exactly what he meant. "He has feeling for her doesn't he?" I asked, dreading his answer."

Merlin just looked away.

I laughed at the irony. As much pain as a relationship with Arthur could cause Gwen, I had even less to offer her then he. I was still the same man who had left her a year ago, worse off even for I had been corrupted by the world and had nothing but a legacy of filth and blood to offer her. I had no money, no home, no choice. As much as it killed me, I had to leave her to him, but to be so close to finally having her!

From what I could tell Arthur was not the type of man who would force a woman into his bed; if she had his attentions it had to me mutual. Arthur would do right by her for as long as their _association_ lasts. He would shower her with gifts, save her from the kitchens and the washrooms that were places she never belonged. He would give her the life of her dreams - then he would take it away. Arthur may care for Gwen, but she was a peasant and could never be more to him then a pleasant diversion. Soon, he would have marry a princess and provide the realm with royal heirs and Gwen would be discarded.

_But I would still want her…gods, I would still want her._

"He won't abuse her?" I asked, softly.

"No," said Merlin, seemingly understanding my meaning.

"Then, I will not come between them." I moved to leave before I changed my mind.

"Wait," said Merlin, grabbing my arm. "You're not going to just leave like this."

"I think it is for the best."

He shook his head. "What should I tell Gwen?"

"Tell Gwen," the words almost stayed stuck in my throat, "tell her that some things cannot be."

I walked away and that night, and every night after, I imagined her in his arms, in his bed, smiling at him in ways that she never smiled for me, saying words to him that I have never heard, and so every night I died a thousand deaths.

Author's Note: Next up, will Lancelot make peace with the idea that Gwen just might belong with Arthur and REALLY stay out of their way or will he….well you all can pretty much guess. And how does Lady Elaine fit into the equation?

Special thanks to Jae for your reviews and critiques.

This is the first part of a three-part story, so while Arwen will be represented all the really good Arwen stuff will be in the Gwen and Arthur's parts.

I should have warned you guys that this was unbeta'd, and will continue to be so. I'm just writing for fun, but I will try to keep my grammatical errors to a minimum, so that they don't ruin the enjoyment of the story.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been two years since I left Gwen in the woods and the pain was as strong as ever. I kept telling myself that I did the only thing I could, but I could never really make myself believe it. Still, my days were not entirely dark. I had spent the last two years as a knight in King Hardack's kingdom and for the first time in a long time, I felt as if I had found my purpose. Being a knight in Sharmelion was not like being a famed knight of Camelot. Sharmelion was an unstable land and Hardack was a warlord who had come to power through sheer will and determination. Born to an unnamed noble man and his whore, Hardack did not quibble, however, about things such as blood and lineage.

"Bastards are rarely in a position to cast stones at other people's lineage," he once told me.

Still, he did care about position, but not of the rich, but the poor. While the majority of my missions were patrolling borders and stomping out division, both from without and within, a good deal of my time was spent helping peasants build and plant. No, being a knight of Sharmelion would not bring me fortune and glory, but it had restored my honor.

I wish I could say that the men who I fought with had become like my brothers, but these men were a mesh of thieves, pirates and hired killers with very little honor. Also, the life of a knight is brutal and short and most of my comrades had already met their fate.

"The gods must have something great in store for you," Hardack said to me once, after a battle that he and I alone returned from.

"You are mistaken," I said. "The gods seem determined to keep me as I am, always on the edge, always unable to grasps the things that I truly want."

"So, I take it that it is not your goal to die at my side as a knight of Sharmelion."

I turned red, mortified at my own ingratitude. "I am sorry Sire, please do not mistake my ideal ramblings for displeasure, you have done so much for me and I am grateful for it all."

Hardack looked at me and started laughing. "Easy Lancelot, I have known many men, but none have been as admirable or as grateful as you. It is an honor to serve with you."

I bowed. "The honor is mine."

He laughed again. "You are most certainly the son of peasants for I have never met one nobleman as chivalrous or poetic as you. You," he said, thumping my shoulder, "are a self made man who has taught himself to be better than those he is imitating." He sighed as he looked out the window. "I only wish I could say the same about myself."

"But you can, Sire."

"I have no illusions about who and what I am Lancelot. I am a warlord pretending to be king, a pretence that will only last as long as I can bribe my so-called knights to follow me and my alliances hold. Soon Regalis will have enough power and influence to win every one over to his side and it will be his turn to play king."

I could not argue. Regalis was a warlord on the southern borders who had been gaining power and influence steadily for the past two years; it was only a matter of time before he was at their door and on that day, Hardack would not have a chance. But I would never bow down to such a man, all warlords were ruthless, but Regalis had a reputation for being particularly brutal. I shivered for Sharmelian's people.

"Do not fret my friend. I have maimed, tortured and killed men, guilty and innocent alike, to get where I am today. I have ravished women and burned children alive, and despite my attempts to make amends with the gods these past few years by helping the poor and protecting the weak, this is what I deserve. But you, Lancelot, you deserve a better fate. Perhaps when I have met my maker you can challenge Regalis, be the king that the people deserve."

I shook my head "That is one honor that I do not wish for."

Hardack sighed. "I thought so, but you'd make an excellent king."

I laughed. King Lancelot. I couldn't imagine it, except a king would need a queen and Queen Guinevere had a wonderful ring to it. I would finally be in a position to offer her more than Arthur, that alone would be worth it.

Two weeks later Hardack was dead. He sent me out of Sharmelion on the pretense of delivering a secret message to the Warlord Anthony.

"You are the only one I can trust," he said.

Now, I see that he was only trying to get rid of me. He knew that I would fight to the death to protect him and he did not want that. I tried not to be angry. I took an oath to him. He had no right to make that choice for me. Now, Regilus was on the throne and I was in search of my next grand adventure.

* * *

The Lady Elaine has written me consistently for the past two years and with my obligations to Hardack complete I could not turn down her request for help. There was a monster, magical of course, loose in the kingdom and it fell to me and Tristan to slay it. King Mark was less than thrilled to see me and reprimanded Elaine so fiercely for sending for me that I had to force my sword to stay in its sheath.

Afterwards King Mark and his bride, Queen Isolde, presided over a banquet in our honor. It was a tense affair, with Mark glowering at everyone.

"He's jealous," Elaine whispered in my ear. "The mighty king could not slay the monster himself so he had to send his best knight and the man he banished to do the job. He is pathetic."

I said nothing and watched as Tristan kissed the Queen's hand. The King tensed before looking away.

"Mark hates Tristan even more than he hates you," said Elaine leaning into me, "I think he hoped you'd both perish."

"I'm sure he did." I watched as Tristan joined his fellow knights all wearing the symbol of Mark's house. "I thought this kingdom was against having a permanent knighthood."

"Oh Mark was, until Uther Pendragon tried to lure Tristan away to Camelot."

"To Camelot? "

"Yes, Camelot's knighthood was all but wiped out during a dragon attack nearly two years ago, did you not hear about it?"

I had. It was all I could do not to rush back and find Gwen.

"Mark realized that Tristan might take Uther up on his offer for sure," Elaine continued, "after all its every gentlemen's dream to be a knight of Camelot, but _something _kept him here."

I looked at her. The gleam in her eyes begged a question. I did not get the chance to ask it for Mark called her to his side. Soon they were arguing and she ran out.

I followed.

"Tell Mark I will not come back in." Her back was turned to me.

"Do you really think I came out here at his bidding?"

She turned around. "Mark wanted me to take his hand so that he can announce my betrothal."

"Your what?"

"He wants me to marry Tristan."

I fought back a feeling of jealousy, yes jealousy. I suppose in the past two years I had come to think of Elaine as my own, but she was not mine. Our friendship meant everything to me, it was the only constant I had in my life, but any good friend would be happy to see her settled with such a brave and noble man whose lineage and reputation were worthy of her. Mark could have easily bartered her off to some aging king for political advantage; instead he has given her a chance at happiness. Perhaps he was not as morally bankrupt as I thought.

Her small voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "I will not marry Tristan," she said earnestly.

"Why not? He is a good man. He would make you a worthy husband."

"I suppose he might," she said tartly, "if he were not in love with Queen Isolde."

My face fell.

_A knight in love with his Queen?_

"Mark is trying to marry him off, so that he is no longer a threat to him. I, along with my wealth and prestige, am a bribe to stay away from Isolde, like that will EVER happen. I'd feel sorry for Mark," she continued, "if I didn't know that nobody deserved to be cuckolded more."

I put my hand on her shoulder. "I doubt it would come to that. No man of honor would dare do such a thing."

"So, he'll just spend his life pining after her then. I want no part of that."

"I am told that ladies find such a never-ending love to be the epitome of romance."

"Then you have been told wrong. Such a love is pure folly Lancelot. There is nothing romantic about it."

"The crime is for a man not to follow his heart, no matter what the consequences may be."

"Isolde will always be Marks', if not in heart and soul, then in body and that is what truly counts, right? Tristan is a fool if he wastes his life pining after her." She put her hands on her hips. "He'd be happier if he learned to love another. Foolish is a man that pines for the wife of his king, it can never end well," she said sadly.

"Perhaps he just needs a reminder of that," I said.

She cocked an eyebrow. "From me?"

"Elaine you are kind, noble, smart and beautiful, a man can do no better."

She smiled. "Do you really believe that?"

"Yes I do. I would hope after all this time you would know how highly I regard you."

She moved closer. "I would hope that same as well."

I smiled. "He does not stand a chance."

Her face fell. "No he does not, nor will he ever."

I gave her a confused look.

"Oh Lancelot," she said, touching my face. "Don't you know?

"Know what?"

She moved even closer. "I love you."

I closed my eyes. I had suspected it for a while, but convinced myself that if I pretended that it was not happening that it would somehow go away. Elaine was an important part of my life and I did not want to lose her over something I could not control.

"Elaine, I care for you very deeply, but I am afraid that you and I can never be."

"Why not?" Her voice was quivering.

"My destiny is elsewhere."

She scoffed. "Elsewhere? In Camelot perhaps with that that servant girl you pine away for? Don't look at me like that. I overheard you talking to Tristan about her once."

I took a deep breath. "I love Gwen. It was a love that buried itself inside my soul before we ever met. "

She let out a loud scream. "She is unworthy of all this devotion! Can't you see she is a black widow, a user and a manipulator? Her Lady Morgana has taught her well, although not even she could see how this would all play out, just how devious her little maid really was."

I stiffened. "You don't know anything about her."

"I know that she has spent the last two years keeping Prince Arthur's bed warm and has not had the decency to even try and hide it. I know that she is the reason that a prince with so much promise and the ability to transform The Summerland maybe brought down in disgrace."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your precious Gwen , your angel, your love is pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

"Yes. Pregnant. They say it's Prince Arthur's but you never know with girls like that. "

_Gwen was pregnant with Arthur's child?_

"They say that he is determined to claim it. That he told Uther that there is no doubt in his mind that the child is his and he will not turn his back on it. That he would abdicate the throne if it meant keeping his mistress and their child. Well as you can imagine Uther went into a rage."

I grimaced. Arthur was a prince, and despite whatever feelings of love he may have for Gwen he could never marry her or claim their child as his own. Uther would wear him down, make him see how impossible it all was. Societal protocol demanded that Gwen be tossed out in disgrace. Uther might even be cruel enough to banish her. She needed me and I had to go to her. This was the time I both desired and dreaded, the time when I would have to pick up the pieces of her broken romance with a prince that could never be hers. I may have failed her at Heignst castle, but I will ride to her rescue now, marry her, and give her a life free from guilt and shame. I will not lie, the thought of raising Arthur's child is distasteful to me. The thought of watching her belly swell up with his child filled me with a jealousy I cannot contain. What if it looked like Arthur and was all blue eyes and blonde hair? Could I deal with a living breathing reminder that Arthur had claimed her first and put his mark on her? Maybe I could convince her to give the child away. It would not need the stigma of being Arthur Pendragon's bastard, especially when he is king.

_NO! _

I was being selfish. The child was an innocent. Would I deny it the love from the one woman I craved it from more than anything in the world? Yes, I will raise Arthur's child as my own and perhaps the children that I make with Gwen, children with MY brown eyes, MY dark hair and MY blood, will make up for the bitterness of having to take on the first.

"I have to go Elaine."

Elaine's face fell in disbelief. "How can you even think about going to her now?" she shrieked.

"She needs me"

She rolled her eyes. "I do not get it. I really don't. What is it about this servant that has you and the bloody prince of Camelot wrapped around her finger. I mean, I'm sure that she is very good at what she does, but that can be said about all whores!"

My eyes narrowed in disgust. "Goodbye Elaine," I said, bowing curtly, my anger bubbling just below the surface.

"I am sorry," she said desperately, pulling at me. "It's just…" She pulls me into a kiss and my body responds before my mind has a chance to play catch-up. My lips are nibbling at her lips, my hands were pulling her closer, my breath was ragged and hot. She made a soft moan as she rubbed her right leg against me and in that moment I realized what I am doing.

I pulled away.

"I'm sorry Elaine," I said, truly ashamed by my actions. "I should not have done that."

"Yes, you should have," she said, moving towards me and cupping my face with her hands. "It is exactly what you should have done. I love you Lancelot and I know that if you give me a chance, you can love me."

I looked away. "I have to go," I said, removing her hands. I turned to leave and she wrapped her hands around my waist.

"Stay with me…live with me…love me," she pleaded, pressing herself harder against my back.

I touched her hands. "I cannot," I whispered, removing her hands. "I wish I could."

And I did.

I longed to be free of this love for Gwen, to open myself up to another; gods know only an idiot would turn down a woman like Elaine to run after another who was pregnant by another man. My mind kept telling me to turn around, to press Elaine against me, and take what she was offering.

_You can be happy with Elaine, her heart is yours and yours alone, just turn around._

But it would be useless, Gwen owned my heart and soul and I knew that she always would. I had to go to her, no matter what the consequences.

"Please," she whispered.

I did not have to look at her to know that tears were falling down her beautiful face. Her sobs followed me as a galloped away towards Gwen.

Next up: Lancelot is in for a big surprise when he finds Gwen and Arthur and Lancelot FINALLY go at it.


	11. Chapter 11

It is dark when I arrive in Camelot my head is swimming from all that I know is ahead. I do not know how I will find her. It has been so long, and I only hope that she feels my sincerity and she is willing to accept the comfort that I am offering. As I make my way through town I see a gaggle of drunken men and women, singing and dancing in the streets. It takes me back to another night, years ago, when I held everything that I wanted in my arms.

"_Are you alright?" I ask, noticing that she refuses to return my gaze._

_She looks at me with her those beautiful brown eyes and smiles shyly. "Yes it's just…am I doing it right?"_

_She is looking at her feet as we dance and almost laugh with joy at how adorable she is at this moment. We have been dancing like this for awhile, joining in the lower town's celebration of the wedding of one of their own._

"_You are perfect."_

_She blushes at the remark._

"_Are all peasant weddings like this in Camelot?"I ask._

"_Julia is no longer a peasant. Her marriage to Sighurt puts her in the merchant class."_

"_All this for the tiniest change in station," I say, marveling at the amount of food, drink and song that has been the staple of the day. "Imagine if she married a knight."_

"_Making it into the merchant class is not a small jump in station. She will be living in the middle ward now and will even be invited to some Court events."_

_I smile._

"_And it's just as good as marrying a knight, since knights don't marry maids."_

"_This one would."_

_Her eyes widened in shock. She looks away and I gently touch her chin and move her gaze back to me. _

"_Lance…" she begins._

_I lean in for a kiss that is interrupted when a drunken women runs into me._

"Gods, you are a handsome one," says a plump woman with dirty blond hair, her arms now draped around me.

I blink my eyes, no longer lost in my memories of Gwen.

"Do you want a taste of my sweet bread?" The woman asks, holding up a small piece of pastry.

I turn away from her foul breath. "No thanks."

She shrugged. "It's your loss."

A thin, short man makes his way over to us. "Hey you," he slurs. "Get your hands off my woman."

The woman laughed. "Your woman? What gives you the right to call me that?"

He pulls her to him. "Come on woman, have you forgotten our friendly game on the bar table?" He thrusts his hips in the most salacious of way.

"If I have it doesn't speak much for your skill does it!" she laughs.

"Oh really?" He shoves his tongue in her mouth and they become lost in each other.

I was happy for the chance to escape. I continued my way towards Gwen's house, but stopped when he heard someone call his name.

"Sir Lancelot?"

The pretty young girl seemed excited to see me.

"It's me, Coya."

I walked closer. When he last saw her she was a gangly little girl, not this beautiful young woman in front of him.

"Coya, I did not recognize you."

"It has been nearly four years."

"Yes it has."

"I am married now."

"But you are so young."

"I have fifteen summers. My best friend Marge married at fourteen."

I nodded.

"I knew you'd come back. Now Gwen can finally be married!"

"What do you mean?"

She moves closer. "I am not the only one who wishes this for her given her situation," she whispered.

"Her situation?"

"Yes, it is all the other maids seem to talk about anymore, personally I think they are just jealous."

I blanched. Had this pregnancy made her an outcast? I could not stand the thought of Gwen being looked at in anything but an honorable light."

"But now you are here and you can marry her." She walked closer. "I think you'd make a good husband in everyway."

"Coya!"

The way she was looking at me was becoming improper.

"Oh come on Lancelot. I am no longer a maid. I understand the ways of the flesh now and I don't blame Gwen, for anything." She blinked at me. "I'd wait twenty-one summers for you too."

I gave her a confused look. _Was no one concerned that she was carrying the prince's child? We're they just concerned that she had no husband to pawn her baby off on?_

"Coya, about Gwen's," how was I going to put this? "Situation. Is she…"

My words were interrupted by a loud holler, a drunken man who was stumbling along as happily.

"TO SIR LEON!"

I looked at Coya. "What is going on?"

"Don't you know? Sir Leon has married. It was a huge affair and is the custom for the nobles have given us sweets and ale to celebrate."

My heart soured. I had often thought of Andella and Leon and was glad that against all odds they had managed to wed. I allowed himself to feel warm in that thought until he saw Andella stumbling in the street with a glass in her hand, and I suddenly knew.

"Look at her," said Coya disapprovingly. "That's what happens when you give yourself to Nobles. She was Sir Leon's mistress," she whispered. "Everyone warned her, but she kept saying that he loved her and they were going to be married. I feel sorry for her, even though she should have known better. Her mother should have taught her that." She threw her arms around me. "That is why it is so dangerous for Gwen to be so old and still be single. It makes people begin to talk. Well, maybe the next wedding we celebrate will be yours and Gwens."

She waved as she walked away, walking past Andella who snickered at her before finally noticing that I was there. I walked towards her and in a moment it seemed her hurt turned to anger.

"DON'T YOU DARE FEEL SORRY FOR ME!" she raged.

"I don't. I feel sorry for him."

And I did. I know Leon's feelings for Andella, this was obviously an arranged match. My thoughts go to Gwen, if Leon was not allowed to marry his beloved, there was no way The Crown Prince could either.

"What brings you back to Camelot Lancelot?" she asks bitterly. "Could it be a dark haired Lady's maid?"

"Andella…"

"Well you are too late, Prince Arthur has already claimed her, though I have been denounced as a liar for saying out loud what everyone knows, Lady Henrietta herself slapped me for spreading rumors that have already reached beyond our borders."

_Rumors, but surely the pregnancy made it a fact or was that just a rumor as well? Was it possible? He had to find out._

"Where is Gwen now?"

She took another sip from the cup she was carrying. "At home."

He needed to get to Gwen immediately, but he didn't want to leave Andella in this state.

"Can I walk you home?"

"Home? You mean to that stinky hovel that reeks of the ale we serve downstairs? No thank you. I'd rather sleep in the street."

"Too bad, because you won't not as long as I am around."

She let out a sad sigh. "His marriage to The Lady Henrietta is all anyone can talk about. She is beautiful, but most importantly, rich, they say that his wealth doubled when they married."

"I am sure that he would give it all up to have been able to marry you."

She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "Do not flatter me with pretty words Lancelot, not today of all days when I learned the truth that every woman of my station must."

"And what truth is that?"

"Men like Leon don't marry girls like me," she said bitterly. She raised her glass. "To the Knights of Camelot."

I pulled her into a hug and let her sob in my chest.

* * *

_She is happy to see me, grateful that I have come to her rescue._

"_I knew you'd come, I knew it!" She sobs._

_I take her in my arms. "Of course I came. I'll always come."_

_She holds onto me tighter and we both hear a familiar voice that immediately makes us tense._

"_What is going on here?"_

_I look at Arthur, then at Gwen, who quickly pushes me away._

"_Someone answer me. Gwen what is Lancelot doing here?"_

"_He has come for me and the baby," she says. "He wants to take care of us."_

_Arthur looks at me. "Do you."_

"_Yes. I will take good care of Gwen and do right by your son, I promise."_

"_You will do no such thing," he pronounces._

"_Arthur surely you cannot mean for Gwen and your child to fend for themselves."_

_Arthur walks to Gwen and pulls her to him. "This is my family Lancelot. You don't belong here." He puts his hand on her swollen belly._

"_But you cannot marry her," I protest._

"_It does not matter. They still belong to me. Let's go Gwen." He puts his arm around her and begins to take her away._

"_Gwen," I say. "Don't do this; this is not a life for you or your child."_

"_I'm sorry Lance. Arthur is right. We belong to him. Goodbye."_

_She turns away and begins to walk off with Arthur and fear begins to overtake me._

"GUINEVERE!"

I wake up in a cold sweat, the small room that Andella has given me to sleep in now feels like a prison. For the first time I begin to wonder if I have not made a mistake coming here, if Gwen is not better off in Arthur's care, even as I hate that he has not done right by her. What if Gwen wanted to be Arthur's mistress? What if she desired all the comforts that being Arthur's Favorite would bring her more than what was sure to be a harder and less luxurious life as his wife? This was foolishness, his Gwen was not like that, she did not value material things. What I really feared is that the years apart, spent in Arthur's bed, have cooled her feelings for me. She may need me now, but what if she doesn't want me? No! What he and Gwen had was powerful and even Arthur's embrace could not distinguish it completely.

* * *

She is as beautiful as I remember her, standing in the middle of the marketplace arms and arm with Merlin. She looks like a dream, but she does not look or _feel_ as if she is with child. Maybe what Elaine told me was just a rumor after all. She is in my arms before I know it and I squeeze her tight.

"I never thought I'd see you again."

"I know."

For one brief moment all is right with the world.

She pulls away and slaps me.

I put a hand to my cheek, shocked by her response.

"How could you leave without saying goodbye?"

"I am sorry, but I had my reasons."

She looked at Merlin.

I touched her cheek. "Reasons that now seem to make no sense in light of what happened."

Her expression softened. "I know. The King banished you."

I gave Merlin a confused look. "Yes, he did, but I thought you were talking about what happened in the forest?"

"In the forest?"

"Yes, after what happened with Hengist."

"Who is Hengist?"

"Gwen after you were kidnapped in Lady Morgana's place two years ago."

"Kidnapped what are you?" She turned to Merlin, clearly distressed. "Merlin what is he talking about?"

"It's OK ," he said trying to calm her.

"Lancelot, I haven't seen you since you left Camelot after Uther refused to knight you."

"Gwen…"

Merlin looked at him in a way that told him he should remain silent. _What was going on?_

"I can't believe this," she said, now crying. "I forgot. It's another thing I've forgot."

Merlin takes Gwen in his arms. "It's ok Gwen."

"No it's not ok. First Prince Arthur starts talking about all these things that I can't remember and now Lancelot. What else can't I remember?"

"Remember what Gaius said. You'll remember when it's time."

"I want to remember now. Why is this happening?"

"Let's get you home."

I stood there, transfixed at the scene. I reached for her, but Merlin pushed me away. "We'll talk later Lancelot."

She looked at me, his eyes shimmering with tears and as he pulled her away she looked at me and mouthed the word sorry and my heart broke.

* * *

Merlin is happy to see me and I happily shake his hand. He waves at a few people at neighboring tables and I laugh that the prince's personal servant is so comfortable and well known at a hole like _The Merry Hovel_.

"It is good to see you Lancelot."

"You too my friend. How are you?"

"I am good, but Gwen has had a bad time of it."

"I know."

"You know?"

I did not want to tell him that I heard about Gwen's pregnancy, a pregnancy that did not seem to exist.

"I assume that she has lost her memory for a reason," I lied.

Merlin leaned in closer. "Lancelot, what I am about to tell you, I tell you only because you need to know this is you are going to see Gwen again and I assume you are."

"Nothing could stop me."

He nodded.

"I was afraid that you would say that."

"Afraid? Why?"

"Lancelot, so much has happened since you last saw Gwen. She and Arthur…" he looked around to make sure that no one could hear."Gwen and Arthur fell in love, they had a secret courtship and…well…Gwen became pregnant."

My eyes widened. The rumors were true.

"But she does not look as if she is with child."

"She is not, not anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Gwen and Arthur were going to secretly marry, Arthur was convinced that he could force his father to accept the union and the child, but somehow Uther found out before they could leave. He had Gwen arrested. It was awful. Uther and Arthur fought. Uther lost control and attacked Gwen and she…she lost him."

"Him?"

"Yes, their son. For a while we thought we'd lose her too, but she recovered, almost."

"She had no memories of what had happened?"

"She can't remember anything that happened in the last three years. Gaius thinks that it is the trauma of losing Llacheu, that she just couldn't deal with it."

"Llacheu?"

"That is what Arthur named him," he said sadly.

"I am sorry."

"I am just grateful that things are not worse."

"What do you mean?"

"Gwen did a good job keeping her pregnancy a secret. No one even suspected."

"But when the baby was born…"

"Gauis covered everything up, King's orders."

I shivered. I had never hated anyone in my life, but gods forgive me, I hated Uther Pendragaon.

"He did not do a good enough job. I heard about it all the way in King Mark's kingdom."

"That's impossible."

"King Mark's cousin told me."

"Lancelot, the only people who know about Gwen's pregnancy are Arthur, King Uther, Gauis, Leon, me and Morg…"

His eyes widened.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," he said, fumbling with his scarf as he got up. "I have to go."

"Merlin, wait. Do you not think it better if she never remembers?" I asked.

Merlin's face fell. "No… I think Gwen never remembering Arthur is the worst thing that could ever happen."

"Arthur is not the only one who can make Gwen happy," I say, my bitterness spilling out.

I can see that he regrets how his words affected me.

"Lancelot…"

"You know how I feel about Gwen."

"I know your feelings and so does Gwen, but do you know her feelings?"

"What do you mean?"

"Lancelot, Arthur and Gwen were in love. They planned to be married. You can't pretend like that didn't happen."

"I am not the one who is acting like that never happened. Did you see how happy she was to see me? How her eyes shined with love."

"An old love."

"A love that is waiting to be rekindled."

Merlin sighed. "I know that I cannot stop you from pursuing Gwen. I wish I could, but I do consider you a friend so I will tell you this. Don't expect things to stay like this if she ever remembers her love for Arthur."

I know he is right and I fight back the guilt as I silently wish that days never comes.

* * *

I went to the Lady Morgana's chambers in hopes of seeing Gwen, it was not proper for a gentlemen to do such a thing, but last night's meeting had only made my desire to see her stronger than ever. I had seen Morgana leave with Lady Henrietta alone, which meant that Gwen was probably left behind to do some errands, but as I walk into her room, I see no sign of her. As I turn to leave I hear the door open and I prepare to see milady, except it is not soft brown eyes that greet me, but cold blue ones, not soft black curls that move with its owners' strides, but short blonde locks. He did not have to say a word for me to know what he thought of my presence in these chambers. The look on Prince Arthur's face said it all.

"Of course you're here in Camelot," he said, throwing his hands up. "Where else would you be?"

"Sire." I said, trying to keep my voice even. This was the moment that I was dreading.

Arthur's tall form began circling around him. "So, your self banishment is at an end? Does she know that you are back?"

He is angry with me and I don't blame him. I would feel the same way if our places were reversed.

"Yes. I saw her last night." I answer.

"Did she know you?"

I do not answer. He is raw and I worry that anything I say will push him over the edge.

"TELL ME!"

"She does not remember our last meeting but she remembers every detail about our first."

Arthur nodded. "I'm sure. What do you want Lancelot?"

"I only want to help Gwen, to be a friend to her."

His face was an unreadable mask. "A friend? Guinevere has plenty of friends she can depend on, friends who do not run away and desert her every chance they get."

"I am not here to rehash the past Arthur. I want to help Gwen deal with losing her memories."

"This has nothing to do with you. She was in an accident. She fell down some stairs in the castle and hit her head, but she is going to be ok. Gaius thinks that she will get her memory back any day now."

"Arthur, you do not have to lie to me. I talked to Merlin. He told me what happened."

"Then you know that Gwen and I are in love," he said.

"I know that you had a relationship that has taken a terrible turn."

Arthur laughed. "Were you always this annoying? You must know that she is only showing you favor because she can't remember me or our son."

"Arthur. Even if Gwen were to remember you tomorrow do you really think that she would be able to get over how your father, a father you still bow too, caused Llacheu's death?"

The moment the words are out of my mouth I know it is a mistake. He is quickly on me, his hand grabbing my shirt as he pins me against the wall.

"Don't you EVER mention MY SON'S name. EVER!"

"Arthur I am sorry."

We stare each other down for a while, but he soon lets me go, but his pain so alive that it nearly pushes me back against the wall with its force. For the first time I understood what he had lost and I am sorry that I am coming to tear his life apart even more. But this is not about him, but Gwen. She deserves to be happy and I can make her happy.

There is soon another in the room.

"What is going on in here?" The Lady Morgana asked, eying them, her gaze staying on me longer than I liked. "Lancelot," she whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"Can you mind your own business for once?" Arthur asked angrily.

The Lady Morgana walked in, her eyes shining with defiance. "You cannot carry on this way Arthur."

"Stay out of this Morgana!"

"How can I when you are making an arse of yourself in my chambers? What if someone were to hear you? What if Uther did?"

Arthur looked at her. "Morgana, I'm warning you."

"It would endanger Gwen. You gave your word that you would stay away from her."

"I know what I said," Arthur grunted.

"And if Uther were to find out that you still harbored such strong feelings for her…"

"He would sentence her to death! Don't you think I know that? I can't leave with her because she doesn't remember bloody loving me and I can't try to make her remember because my father might see me. Oh, and Gaius says that it might make her have a breakdown. I know the predicament I am in!"

Morgana touched Arthur's arm. "I know this is hard for you, but you have to trust yourself. You are doing the right things. Gwen is too fragile. You have to stay away from her."

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but stormed off instead, hitting his hand with his fist as he left.

"Don't mind Arthur. He is in great pain," she said, making her way over to me.

"Yes, and I am sorry for it."

" Are you?"

"Yes, what has happened to Gwen and Arthur is a terrible tragedy."

"Of course it is and I grieve for their loss. It's just the child would have bonded them forever and Arthur would have married Gwen, damn the consequences. Eventually Uther would have given in and sanctioned their union, especially since it was a boy," she looked away, "and your dreams would have been destroyed. Now…"

"My dreams?"

"Yes," she says with a sweet smile, "your dreams of making Gwen your wife. Don't try and deny it. I see that look in your eyes, the same as before."

She was smiling at me, but there was nothing comforting or warm about her. It seemed unnatural that someone so beautiful could be so cold.

"I do not want to push her into something that she is not ready for." I say, trying to deny the truth of her words.

She touches my hand. "Come back to my chambers later. Gwen will be here."

* * *

I arrive at The Lady's Morgana's chamber at midday. She opens her own door, a vision in green, and he understands now why so many men who have entered the walls of Camelot have been so fascinated by her.

"Gwen will be out in a moment. I have given her the rest of the day off, so that you two can spend it together."

"Why are you doing this?" I ask.

"For Gwen. We grew up together. I care so much about her and after everything she has been through, she deserves some happiness, a chance at a life and a chance to have another child. You can give her that chance."

"And Arthur?"

"Arthur is like a brother to me, you know that, but Uther will never let Arthur and Gwen be together. He tried to kill her when she was caring his grandson. The only reason why he is allowing Gwen to even stay with me is because she has no memories of Arthur and Arthur has threatened to leave if he does not let Gwen alone. He has promised Uther it is over. But it is easy for Arthur to keep his distance when Gwen is so confused, but if she were to ever get her memory back before they both realize that their flirtation must burn its course…I do not know what will happen."

"You think it is nothing but a flirtation."

Morgana smiles. "It is no small thing to be courted by a handsome prince, even our stoic Gwen cannot help but be caught up in it. I know Gwen better than anyone and I can tell you honestly, that I have never seen her happier or more secure then all those many years ago when she was with you."

"But Arthur…"

"Will see how happy Gwen is with you and will back off. This thing has become too dangerous. It will destroy them both. We must save them from themselves."

She was right. Nothing but more pain could ever be gained by Gwen or Arthur if they were to reunite.

"You are doing Arthur the greatest of favors, once Gwen is happily settled with you, he will move on, find some one of his own stature. And all this," she waved her hands, "whatever this is with Gwen will be forgotten."

Gwen picked that moment to appear, her shawl over her shoulder.

"Well it looks like you two are off," Morgana says, "And Gwen I do not want to see you back her tonight."

Gwen nods. I turn to thank Morgana when I notice a look on her face, a smile born not of happiness, but satisfaction, and I suddenly wonder if I have become a pawn in a game that is being played, a game in which Gwen has the most to lose.

"What can we do? She seems quite persistent," she says, offering me her hand.

"Yes. I guess we better do what she says."

Arthur's words ring in my ears.

_She is only showing you favor because she can't remember me or our son._

"Lancelot?"

Her sweet voice brought me back.

I push back all guilt as I smile and take her hand.

The walk in the marketplace is pure bliss, her hand is intertwined in mine in and it is all the heaven I ever need to know. Her eyes are closed and she is taking in the sun.

"It was nice of the Lady Morgana to let us to free you from your duties this afternoon."

"Yes, it is."

I can hear the anxiety in her voice.

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

I raise her chin. "Gwen, this is me."

"It's milady. I can't explain it but she is changed."

"How so?"

"Nothing in particular, she still says all the same things, gives me all the same smiles, but there is something in her eyes, something that makes me doubt her intentions." She shook her head. "You think I'm mad."

"No. You know Morgana better than anyone you should trust your instincts."

"Do I? There is a whole two years that I cannot remember. Do you know that she was kidnapped by bandits and helped without ransom for a year until Arthur rescued her?"

"I heard rumblings about it."

"I am not surprised that Arthur went to such lengths to rescue her. He was always been fond of her. There was a time when I thought he was in love with her, but now I see…listen to me. I have called the Prince by his given name with such ease. Don't you find that odd?"

"If I remember correctly, you were always calling Arthur anything but your highness."

"Yes," she laughs. "He was never my favorite person."

"No. He was not." I hang my head in shame. I do not know what is worse, living this lie or the change in her attitude that the truth might bring.

I move to guide her to our place by the lake, but we are interrupted by the last person that I wanted to see.

"Sire?" Gwen asked, confused by his presence.

"Guinevere."

She bows.

"Lancelot. Why am I not surprised to see you glued to Guinevere's side?"

"Why indeed Sire, for you know that there is no place I'd rather be."

Arthur's lips tightened. His face is red and his breath is labored. He no doubt ran all the way there.

"What brings you to the market place Sire?"

"I ..Uh… Merlin what brings us to the marketplace?"

Merlin's eyes widened. "Why are you asking me it was your…"

A quick slap to his chest shuts the young boy up quick.

"I am here for a gift."

"A gift?" Gwen asks.

"Yes, for The Lady Morgana. When I saw you out here I thought you might help me pick something out."

"Oh. I did not think…"

"You did not think what?" Arthur asked, moving closer, expectantly.

"Nothing," she said. "I think milady might like this."

She picks up a scarf and hands it to him. The minute their hand touch a change comes over Gwen. She moves her free hand to her head.

"Are you alright?" I ask.

I try to get closer, but Arthur blocks me.

"Yes, it's just a headache."

"Have you been having them often?"

She nods. "They come and go. My neighbor Tela tells me that it is my memories trying to beat their way out."

Arthur smiles at that. "Let's hope so, but until then I want you to see Giaus."

"I am fine milord."

"No you are not. You are in pain. Promise me that you will see if Giaus can help you."

"I promise."

His smile brightens and he rubs her knuckles tenderly. She looks at her hand, her eyes full of questions. She is confused by Arthur's actions, by the tenderness he is showing her, a mere servant.

"If there is nothing else Sire?"

"No, there is nothing else."

"Will you be purchasing the scarf?"

"No. Not today. It is the wrong color for milady."

She looks away.

He slowly lets go of her hand and watches her as she bows.

"Sire, let's go," Merlin says finally.

Arthur nods and walks ahead, but stops when a young peasant girl grabs his hand and throws herself at her feet.

"Thank you Your Highness," she is crying. "Thank you for saving my family."

"It was my pleasure," he said, smiling.

Gwen is looking at the scene, transfixed.

"What do you think that is about?"

"I do not know."

"I know that girl, her name is Vyara. She lives a few dwellings down from me. I wonder what Arthur could have done to make her act this way?"

Arthur helps the girl up and kisses her hand, an act that sends her shrieking. She clutches her hand to her chest and runs off.

Merlin begins teasing Arthur and the Prince laughs a bit and turns his gaze back to Gwen. They are now looking at each other, blue and brown pools colliding together. I do not like it. A flower vendor walked by and I purchased a flower, as soon as she turned back around I handed it to her.

"For you, the most beautiful rose of them all," I said, giving her the flower.

Gwen kissed me on the cheek. "You are a nice man."

"You make it easy to be nice."

I see Arthur out of the corner of my eye, fuming, he is heading towards us when I see Merlin's hand go on his shoulder to restrain him. It was subtle move that not many people would notice. Merlin had obviously turned into someone that Arthur trusted. I looked back at Gwen and kissed her hand.

"Until we meet again."

The look in her eyes warmed me as I walked back to the inn.

Author's Note

Sorry that this took so long. I've had the hardest time writing this section. Please let me know what you think. I'm sorry if Little L's death was a sad twist, but it's an important turn of events for the story and it will pay off more in Arthur's version of events. Also. anyone who wants a** sneak peek **of the next section can visit my blog at .com

Also still unbeta'd so I'm sorry about all grammar and spelling mistakes!

THANKS FOR READING! NEXT UP: Arthur and Lancelot Round Two!


	12. Chapter 12

I knock on her door and my breath catches in my throat when she opens it. She is so beautiful in her pink dress, her hair wild and full of flowers. I look inside and playfully raise an eyebrow.

"I can't help but notice that you are alone."

She smiles. "Actually, I am expecting a guest."

I cross my arms. "Anyone I know?"

"Maybe."

I lean closer. "I'm afraid I do not like the idea of you having a gentlemen caller, especially one who insists on being shrouded in mystery? I demand to know who he is so that we can come to an understanding."

Her smile widened. "I promised him I would not reveal his name."

"What does he look like?"

"He is old, very thin, and his hair almost all gone."

"Sounds like a worldly man."

"Very."

"I suppose that he is good with a sword."

"Yes, but I think you can take him."

"I guess we will see when he arrives."

"I don't think he is coming."

"No?"

"No."

"And you made him dinner? That is not very gentlemen like."

"Well he is no gentlemen."

"Since I am already here, maybe I can be his replacement."

She looks me up and down. "I don't see why not."

She lets me in. She has decorated her table with flowers and I see two plates full of chicken.

"How can you afford this?"

"It is complements of The Lady Morgana," she says taking my cloak. "She likes you."

I nod, unsure of how to feel about how accommodating Morgana has been, but I put it out of my mind – for now.

"I am glad that she approves."

I sit down and she puts a cup in front of me.

"It is really odd. You are all she can talk about lately and what a wonderful couple we would make. My Lady and I have always been close, but she is My Lady and we have never been too personal."

Gwen is right, there is something about The Lady Morgana's interest in us that I find unsettling.

"And to say all the things she said about you in front of Arthur."

I look up. "Why would it bother you that she is talking about me in front of Arthur?"

I wait with baited breath, wondering if her memories have begun to return.

"I just think it is inappropriate to talk about servant matters in front of the Prince, although…

"Although what?"

"I see a change in him. He is not the arrogant prat that I remember. There is softness and a caring. Do you know that he stood up for a peasant who could not pay his taxes and forced King Uther to back down? I was impressed and proud.

"Proud?"

"Yes," she said sitting down across from me. "He is Milord."

I picked up my fork. I was tiring of talking about Arthur.

"This food is delicious."

"Thank you. I remembered from last time how much you loved my chicken, at least I can remember that. It is so good to see you. I can tell just by looking at you that the time away has been good for you."

"In some ways it has been very good for me and in others…."

She put a piece of chicken in her mouth. "But you must have met people who you like."

"Yes, I did." Elaine's face flashed quickly before my eyes. "But no one who could ever make me forget about my time in Camelot."

"Oh come on Lancelot, are you telling me that you have not met somebody?"

I laughed. Can she be this blind? "As a matter of fact I have."

"Oh."

Her disappointment was evident and it warmed me. It made me feel that she was finally letting her guard down. I leaned forward. "You," I said. "You are the one I met and the only one I ever want to meet."

She blushes. "Lance."

I put my hand on hers and she looks away. I squeeze her hand.

"Next time we will have deer."

She laughs. "Deer?"

"Have you ever had it?"

"Not really. Once I did sneak a bit off of Morgana's plate when I was in the kitchens."

"And did you like it?"

She lets out a sweet sigh. "It was heavenly."

"Well that settles it. We will have deer. I will catch it myself."

"And how many paces does it take for you to kill a deer?"

"I am not sure but I will make it a point to count so that I can tell you."

She reaches for my cheek and stops, a puzzled look was now on her face.

"What is it?"

"I don't know, it's just, there is something very familiar about all this."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. This dinner, this conversation, it feels like I've had it before. Have we?"

"No."

She looks back at the chicken and throws her fork down in disgust. "Why can't I remember?"

I take her hand again. "When the time is right you will remember.

She squeezes my hand. I lean in for a kiss and I see the expectation in her eyes. She wants this moment, this intimacy, with me, as much as I do. A loud noise from outside makes us both jump apart.

I see the swish of the blue cloak and I know exactly who are uninvited guest is. This will definitely come back to haunt them later.

"Do you see anyone?" she asks. I can hear the concern in her voice.

"No. No one is there."

I close the door, aware that I had just told her another lie.

* * *

I knew he'd come.

It was not my plan for us to meet like this, in _The Merry Hovel, _in the middle of the night, but there are things in life that are inevitable and this confrontation is one of them and there is no perfect place for it.

He looks around, please to see that no one but me and Andella was there. Andella jumps up from the table and bows, grabbing her drink as she scurries away. He walks over to the table, towering over me. It was clear that he means to intimidate me. But I did not intimidate easily, not even when confronted by the great Prince Arthur Pendragon."

"I am sure that you know why I am here."

"Yes. I have been expecting you."

"I went to check on Guinevere and I saw you in her home. You have been at her home every day this week."

"Have you been spying on us milord?"

"Guinevere's safety is my only concern."

"As is it is mine."

He folds his arms. "You and I both know that you are motivated not by Guinevere's needs, but by your own."

I stand up. "I am afraid that you have me confused with yourself."

Arthur moves closer. "Guinevere has been through enough. She doesn't need you making things harder."

"It is not my intentions to make Gwen's life harder. I came here to lift her burdens. She is the greatest of jewels to me and it is my only wish in life to love her the way she deserves and give her a life worthy of her."

Arthur snorts and at that moment I know he hates me. "Save all this poetic dribble for Guinevere. You came here because you heard about what happened and you thought this was your chance to come between us, since she would not even look your way if she could remember what we had."

"What you had? What exactly did you have? Did you think that Gwen was happy to be your secret? Do you think she relished all the sneaking around and the lying? Gwen, who is so honorable and good? What you had has caused her to lose her mind."

His face grew serious. "If you think that you're going to steal Guinevere away from me then you are mistaken."

There was no mistaking the threat in his tone.

"Gwen needs a man who she can depend on, someone who can make her happy and I'm sorry Arthur that is not you."

"I have faced down a lot of monsters, but I have never seen the likes of you, to take advantage of an innocent girl."

I can't believe what I am hearing. "Me, take advantage of Guinevere? I am not the one who took her honor and left her to fend for herself. I am not the one who has endangered her very life for my own lust. But I am sure that it is a Prince's privilege to exert your will on a maid, damn the consequences."

Arthur's face reddens.

"You have no idea what it means to be me, the pressures that I have. How do you think it feels to have so much power, to be able to command so many, yet have no control over my own life? I have fought and bled for everyone in this kingdom and I could not protect my own son! I have to watch as the woman I love scrubs floors and empties chamber pots!"

I roll my eyes. "That is your choice Sire. You decided that you would deny your son; you left Gwen scrubbing The Lady Morgana's floors. You refused to stand up to your father, refused to do what was right because you feared you would lose your place as Prince Arthur!"

I don't see the punch coming, nor do I expect for Arthur to start swinging his sword at me with such veracity. I manage to get my own sword out, clinking it with his as I move to protect my chest. Arthur is fighting like a man possessed and I was having a hard time absorbing his blows, but I do get the better of him, finally, and I manage to get him on his back.

"Sire, enough," I said, holding my sword to his chest. I did not want to hurt him. I just wanted him to stop hurting Gwen.

He looks at me, his expression full of disgust and jumps up, lunging for me. It takes me off guard. I fall onto the ground and pins me down.

I hear a familiar cry from behind me.

"Arthur," said Merlin, his voice getting closer. "What are you doing?"

"Stay out of this Merlin, this is not your concern." He looked back at me. "I will not lose her. I have already lost too much."

Arthur sword was at his neck and for a brief second I wondered if he was going to cut my throat.

"Arthur," Merlin said again. "Gwen would not want this."

Arthur's eyes narrowed and he moved his sword. "And Gwen does not want him."

"I beg to differ," I said, trying to sit up.

"Guinevere does not have her memories. She does not know what she is doing."

"And what if she remembers?"

"Then it will be her choice."

"And if she chooses me?"

Arthur looks at me and drops his sword. "She won't."

* * *

I wince as Andella places a rag on my bleeding lip.

"The Prince seems quite angry with you."

"Indeed."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with Gwen would it?"

I don't answer, she laughs as she takes a swig of the ale on a nearby table.

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

"No."

"I know that you are upset but it is not fit for a lady as pretty as you to carry on so."

She laughs harder.

"Sir Lancelot, always the picture of nobility." She takes another swig. "I hope that Gwen knows how lucky she is that you love her."

I get up and take the cup from her. "As is any man who wins your love."

She turns away. "I hear that the Lady DeNobley is with child. Do you think it will be a boy? A heir for their budding dynasty?"

I put my hand on her shoulder.

"You will find the love you deserve."

"ENOUGH!" she yells. "Take a look around here. I am a wench, a peasant whore and that is all I'll ever be! If I'm lucky I'll catch the eye of a cook or a blacksmith and I'll at least be able to eat in the winter, but I'll never have love. I'll never have Leon. That is not for girls like me or Gwen."

I raise my eyebrow.

"No offense, you are a prince among peasants, but you are still a peasant. You are not Prince Arthur."

"No I am not."

She leans in closer. "Prince Arthur will never marry Gwen. He'll use her and throw her away. If you love her, you'll save her from that. You'll save her from him."

I look at her, she is broken. Leon has done this to her and if I do not do something, Arthur will do this to Gwen.

"You are right. I am going to see her now."

"Good boy. Stop in the marketplace and get her something pretty and then claim your woman."

I smile.

It is time.

* * *

I wave at Merlin as we pass each other in the marketplace. He walks closer, but I can tell by the way he is looking and standing that something is bothering him.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, trying to sound like his usual chipper self.

"I am looking for something for Gwen. What do you think?"

I hold up a green scarf.

"She likes pink or purple," he says tensely.

I shrug.

"What is wrong Merlin? You seem upset with me."

He shrugged. "Gwen told me that you are courting her."

"I am."

Merlin let out a sigh.

"Does that bother you?"

"It's none of my business."

"Just say it."

"I think what you're doing stinks!"

"Merlin…"

"You are taking advantage of Gwen's illness."

Merlin words hurt.

"I am taking care of her Merlin."

Merlin turns around. "I like you a lot Lancelot. I think that you are a great man and I know that you care for Gwen."

"I love her."

"But you don't know how it is between them."

"Gods! I am so sick of hearing about this so-called great love between them. If what they have is not worth touching, she would not be working so hard to forget it."

Merlin shook his head. "You just don't get it."

"And you can't see beyond your loyalty to Arthur."

"I won't deny that I feel for what Arthur is going through, but I am worried about you too, and Gwen. You have to know that things would be different if she could remember loving Arthur."

"But she can't."

"But one day she will."

* * *

She is startled to see me at her door. It is the middle of the night and I can tell that I have awaken her.

"Let's leave this place."

She looks at me like I am madman and perhaps I am, but this place is not good for her, not good for us.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about starting over."

She shakes her head. "Where will we go?"

"Anywhere you want."

"You're serious."

"Yes."

"How would we live?"

"I have met a lot of people while I was away. I can provide for you, give you the life you deserve."

And I can. All she had to do is say yes.

"The life I deserve. Listen to yourself, you sound as if I am a Lady."

I bow. "You are my Lady."

She kisses me. It is long and passionate. When she pulls back I see the turmoil in her eyes.

"I've been having these dreams, images that I can't make out. I'm almost there Lance. I know it."

I kiss her hand. "The past doesn't matter. What matters is the future we can build together."

"Lancelot you barely know me. How do you know that your feelings for me will remain?"

I laugh, the idea was so ridiculous. _Did she not know that she and she alone owned my heart until the end of time?_ I pull her into my arms. "I will love you until my heart stops beating and beyond."

I feel her relax in my arms. "Oh Lance."

She kisses me again, but this time she pulls away. I reach for her but she quickly pulls away.

"What is wrong?"

She moves a hand to her head. "I…I wish I could say what you want me to hear but there is something holding me here…something that I can't grab hold too, but it's in me." She grabs her head again and closes her eyes. I call her name but she doesn't answer. When she finally opens her eyes they are full of tears. She puts her hand to her chest as she lets out a loud gasp. "Oh Gods. Oh Gods…"

"Gwen what is it? Look at me. Tell me what is wrong."

When she looks at me, it's almost as if she is seeing me for the first time. "Oh my gods," she says again touching her lips. "It can't be."

I wipe the tears from her face. "What is it?"

"I remember. I remember it all." She smiles and let out a small laugh. When you kissed me just now…," her face grows serious. "Lance I am so sorry."

"Gwen what is it?" My heart was beginning to beat faster.

"It's Art…"

"Guinevere !"

We both jump when we see Leon and a guard move towards us.

"What is the meaning of this?" I ask, still holding on to Gwen.

Leon looks at us sympathetically. "The King has ordered Gwen be brought to the castle immediately. "

A guard pulls her away from me.

Gwen nods, but I can feel her fear. I move to grab her arm, whatever the tyrant has planned now, I will not let him get away with it. Uther Pendragon will never hurt Gwen again.

One of the soldiers moves between them.

I gave Leon a confused look.

"Gwen is to come alone, by order of Prince Arthur."

Gwen's face falls

I seethe beside her. Arthur has betrayed her, he has sided with his father to get back into his good graces and if it's the last thing I do I will see that he pays for this.

Author's Note

Thanks to everyone who continues to read this story.

Once again I apologize for all spelling and grammatical errors.

_Merlin_ is a family show so they never talk about the repercussions of a maid entering into a relationship with a prince, even one as honorable as Arthur. We all know that Gwen and Arthur marry, so I wanted to show what could have happened to Gwen through the romance of Leon/Andella.

**Next up: Things are coming to a head with this arc and Gwen makes her choice!**


	13. Chapter 13

Gwen is being held in the castle and there are rumors that she has been sentenced to death. The thought of her locked away in the palace dungeons, awaiting a fate that she did not deserve, grieved me to my very core. But I know that she is being brave, just like she was when she was in Heignst's castle, and I also knew that I would somehow manage to come to my lady's rescue again.

A few hours later I have managed to sneak inside the citadel. During my very brief time as a knight I was housed here and managed to acquaint myself with every room and corridor that I could. I leaned back into the wall as I saw Arthur walking down the hallway with his guards, looking anything but stricken. Anger welled up inside me_. How could he be so indifferent to Gwen's plight, a woman he claimed to love?_ I moved stealthily but stopped again when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I have been found out. I grip the head of my sword, ready to fight, but smile when I see Merlin staring at me.

"Lancelot, what are you doing here?"

"I am here to save Gwen."

He shook his head. "She is too well guarded, even Arthur cannot get to her."

"I saw him a few minutes ago. He did not seem to be trying."

Merlin's lips tighten. "All is not what it seems Lancelot. Arthur …."

"Is the reason that she is in this situation. He alone is to blame."

Merlin shook his head again and I cannot help but wonder how he can show so much loyalty towards a man who he cannot even confide his secret too.

"Arthur wants the same thing we all want. He has a plan."

"Given everything that has happened, I have a hard time trusting Arthur with Gwen."

Merlin looked at him seriously. "If you can't trust Arthur than trust me. Go home. I will do everything that I can here and I will send word soon."

"Merlin you know that I trust you with my life." _And I did, I just wasn't sure that I trusted him with Gwen's._

"Then go back to Gwen's and wait."

I didn't move.

"Lancelot, you will be no good to her dead."

I grab his arm. "Will you? Will you use your magic?"

He looks me, his blue eyes hard and determined.

"I won't let her die."

He turns and walks away from me and when I see two more guards heading my way I headed back down the corridor, praying that Merlin would once again find a way to save us all.

* * *

Word of her pardon reaches me as I sit in the local tavern. The people around me have mixed reactions, some are thrilled, other feel she must be punished for daring to love their prince, others, so bogged down under the weight of their own problems, simply did not care.

I laugh.

_Merlin actually did it._

I grab my sword and head to her home. They had been given a second chance, and this time he was not going to waste it.

* * *

The laughter is unmistakably Gwen's and when I look through her window I am horrified at the sight. They are kissing, passionately, hungrily, she is giving his hands access to places that she never gave me and a jealousy that I did not know could exist begins to well up inside me. Once upon a time I thought that Arthur was a man of courage and honor, but no man of honor would continue to take advantage of Gwen like this, not after everything that has already happened. I walk inside. They do not notice me, so enraptured in each other.

"You should be careful," I say, making no attempt to hide my bitterness. "Someone might see you and tell the King that the Prince has not given up his whore!"

Arthur's face reddens and he hits me hard. I fall to the ground and smile as my mouth fills with blood.

It is what I deserve.

Soon he is over me, pounding my face again and again, but I do not feel it. I can only feel the sting of my broken heart. I hear Gwen's voice through the fog, begging Arthur to stop. He does and the way she looks at him, with so much gratefulness, makes me want to hurt him. I find my strength and I lung for him, back turned and all. I imagine that it is quite the spectacle - Prince and would be knight, fighting in the tiniest of hovels over a servant girl.

"STOP THIS NOW!"

It is Gwen, her voice as regal and commanding as her prince's. I feel sick to my stomach. She looks at me with an expression that I cannot make out.

"Lancelot you have no right!"

It is anger. She is angry at me! Me who would do anything for her…

"I do not have the right? Neither does he. Prince or no prince he does not have the right to put you in such danger. '

Arthur steps forward. "The danger for Guinevere has passed. My father believes that we were both enchanted."

"What? " I ask in disbelief. "That is preposterous."

"Indeed, but it is easier for my father to believe this than to accept the fact that I love a servant and that he is solely responsible for the death of my son. He has apologized to us both and agreed to intern Llachue with his ancestors since it is not his fault that he was conceived through magic."

The anger in his tone is unmistakable and I wonder if the King knows just how much his son hates him.

"That is something at least. I am sure that it is a small comfort to you both."

They do not answer.

"Has he given his blessing to you as well?"

I dread the answer.

Arthur laughs. There is a new hardness to him that troubles me.

"No. The King would never allow his son to marry a maid. He believes that now that the enchantment is lifted that I no longer care to see Guinevere."

_Then he is a fool, for he knew more than anyone her never ending allure. _

"So, if the two of you were to be caught here…"

"We won't," The Prince says firmly.

"You were caught before," I said, looking him straight in the eyes.

"Lancelot, I know that you see yourself as Guinevere's protector, her knight and savior in all things, but Guinevere is my betrothed. I will protect her from all harm."

My mouth opens in shock. "Betrothed?" I look at Gwen. She is avoiding my gaze. "Is this true Gwen?"

She looks at me now. "Yes," she says, squeezing his hand.

"But how is this possible, the King…"

"Will not live forever. When he is gone I will be King and as King I will be able to marry who I choose and I choose Guinevere."

I move towards Gwen. _This is madness, a disaster waiting to happen._ "Gwen, I am not sure what Arthur has told you, but you must know that he cannot tell you when…when or if your situation may change. I may be years. Please do not throw your life away like this!"

She looks at Arthur and then back at me. "I know," she whispers so low that I barely hear it. "But I…I…I have no life without Arthur."

The look of triumph on Arthur's face is missed by her but not by me. I open the door without looking back. There is nothing more to be said.

"Lancelot wait!"

The sound of her footsteps behind me only makes me want to run faster but I know that as much as I want to I cannot run away from this.

"I know that this is a shock to you, and for that I am sorry, but this is the way things are, I cannot change it, not even for you."

"You would wait for him? Even now, even as your baby lay dead in the ground?"

Her eyes widen in horror. "That was not Arthur's fault! He feels the loss of our son just as I do, more so for he blames himself."

"He should!" I said circling around her. "It was his cowardice that caused it, his inability to stand up to his father…"

She raises her chin defiantly, I have angered her. "Arthur has a burden that you cannot begin to understand. If he could be with me right now he would."

"Yes, your prince has come full of words and apologies, with fancy jewels and silk dresses and promises of a life far away from the kitchens and in your Lady's service. Is that all it took to buy your love and devotion?"

It is raining now and her eyes are full of tears and this …whatever this…is becoming even harder.

"It's not like that. I love him."

I wince in pain; for some reason that was a truth I refused to see until now.

"There was a time when you said those words to me," I said bitterly.

She grabs my hand. "Please do not do this Lance. I care so very much for you but he and I made promises to each other," she says plainly, as if the only promises that matter are those made to a prince.

"And you made a promise to me!" I said, no longer able to control my anger. "Do you remember in Heignst castle when I risked everything to save you? You looked into my eyes and you promised me that as long as you lived your feelings for me would never change."

She shifts uncomfortably, her hand folded around her chest. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Say that you love me as much as I love you, that this thing with Arthur means nothing, that you want a life with me."

Her face grows pale. "I…you have to understand Lancelot. Please understand. What we had was special but that is in the past now. You left me."

"I felt like I had no choice, that he…" the words die in my throat. "It was a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life and I have regretted it ever since."

"You left me," she repeats, "and Arthur would never leave me. He has proven that to me time and time again. He needs me, he's"…

I put my fingers on her lips, willing her to stop talking, begging her to leave me with some shred of dignity. I turn from her and walk towards the inn where I am storing my horse but I cannot resist turning back to look at her one last time.

"I wish you luck Gwen, you are going you are going to need it."

She is crying even harder now, lips quivering and I can see her pain, but it only magnifies my own. _How can she feel this way about me and still choose him?_ Her door opens and he is the doorway, scowling at me, no doubt angered that she would cry tears for me. I hope the knowledge burns him and drives him insane. I force my feet to start moving and soon I am running as fast as I can, leaving her crying in the rain.

**A/N it has been a LONG time since I updated but special thanks to ABVM for getting this started again. Next up Lancelot meets an old friend and starts a new chapter in his life.**


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